I've been really shitty the past couple of days.
Everything is bothering me. Like I feel lately like my feelings are being disregarded by a lot of my friends. I try to talk to them about the things that have been happening, and they're like yeah, my life sucks sooo much too, and then they change the subject to them and not me.
Also, I've been broken up with if no one knew. Its a really confusing situation. Like it was sort of mutual but on different terms. He wanted a break, and I didn't want that. It fucking sucks. All the relationship drama I get into goes like this:
"I like you."
"I like you too." - me
"I want to be with you."
"I want to be with you too." - me
"But not right now. I'm not ready."
"Well then I can't do this. If you want to be with me, then be with me. I can only wait a little while before I'm not ready for you, or I've found something else." - me
It really sucks. In the past two years, that has happened six times. Twice with one guy and four times with four other people.
This was the one guy that everything fit with. He smelled good to me all the time, and vice versa. Like his natural body odor was enticing to me. He was super sweet, funny, cute, and he liked me. It was the best one I've ever had. Yes we only dated a month, but it was still the best. We made it through two weeks of basically no interaction with each other since he was out of town/state. And when he got back everything was good again. We had one little dispute, but we talked through it. Like we had perfect communication skills.
And it sucks, because apparently we're both miserable now. Why is it that we were happy as hell when we were together, and now that we're not together, we're both miserable? Doesn't it seem as if we should be back together already since we're both miserable? Not the case. He apparently has nothing to say to me. He told me that himself.
I don't understand. It was soooo good. I just don't understand at all.
Personally I think he is scared because it happened so fast. No we're not in love, but we both like each other a lot. And he is a commitment phobe apparently. I seriously feel like he's scared of his own feelings.
And now thinking about it, I kind of feel like a dick for breaking it off completely. Separation makes the heart grow fonder.
However things work out, I know they will work out perfect for the both of us. I just wish everything wouldn't happen at the same time. But the "everything" part is a story for another time.
Goodnight.
Bless you all. |
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