For the past couple of weeks I have been distant from updating this thing. The simple reason is that I have not had anything to talk about. Now I feel like I have went through enough things to express them words.
Let me first start off by stating that I am an idiot, I made a mistake by giving into feelings while fully being aware of the consiquences involved. And I guess I am happy that it didn't take forever to get the sense nocked back into me. Feelings as we know cannot be controlled and this I know, but even though I know, I didn't want it to be so. I'm over it now as best as I can be. Throughout the past weeks, I have come to see who I want to surround myself with, who I enjoy being around. I am drifting away from a good buddy of mine and I will be honest it is by my own doing. He needs a ride everywhere we go, he complains about he doesn't have any money, because he doesn't have a job. He likes to talk a big talk about what is going to happen, but nothing ever does. He sits at home and then complains about how shitty his life is. Well then do something about it, stop wasting money on cigarettes and food, save some money, buy a cheap car, and get a job. Ahh...that feels much better. Mind you I do intend to tell him this just with more descresion then the more blunt way I did. All in all he needs to shape up and stop bitching when no one wants to drive him anywhere. Okay, now moving on to a topic in which seems to be a nice constant, is my own feelings. Which of course change dramatically and often. But I feel like I am at a good place at the moment, I am not particularly looking for a relationship at the present time but I am happy with the fact I have options so to speak. I am talking to several people at the moment, there is nothing more then talking, and I am not expecting anything but it feels good. Feels good to know I'm not just a ghost in the world, that people see me and want to know me. Its a true confidence booster for sure. Onto my next subject of discussion, I have decided to put an avid effort into make myself better. I am starting to go back to the gym, putting a massive effort into it as well. I have made a deal with my father, that if completed, a new car will come of it. So I have a very large incentive to do this, plus, I want to be a different person, I feel like I am being held back by the way I look so a change I shall make. All in all life is going pretty well, I am having a lot of fun hanging with my friends and just bullshiting, I don't mind standing in a parking lot talking or going on random drives. I am pushing for a more unison group where we all get along and it just works, I am finally seeing it and it make me happy. On a more somber note, my best friends grandmother just past away, and all of you who read this, if you take anything from this entry, please keep her and her family in your thoughts, just once send some comfort. Thanks to all and have a great Thanksgiving!
Oh..and stay classy |
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