Confusion say... ♥Confusion...That's my middle name.
I've been trying to write for days. I can't seem to get my thoughts straight long enough to make sense of them. There is a mass of muddle laying awake in my brain. I can't take it anymore.
Guys are throwing themselves at me. I didn't realize it until a week ago. One of them pointed it out - But he is standing out more than the rest. His name is Andrew. He lives about four hours hours away from me. We haven't formally met yet but I can tell you he is someone I could fall very fast for. In fact, I think I have already. We've spent the nights talking until the wee hours of morning. :: blush :: Talking to him is the only thing that makes me feel any sort of happiness.
I hope to see him soon.
I haven't had a good decent high in days...Almost two weeks to be exact. It's eating at me. I find myself depressed alot when I'm sobered up. Mellow and copacetic works for me. I'm more paranoid and have trouble completing my thoughts when I'm not high. It's a reverse effect than most people. I wish I could find some sticky green bud in this wasteland.
So, I'm at a battle with myself constantly. There is no better way to explain it.
I feel like looking to my left and telling the carnie that controls my life "Okay! This ride isn't fun anymore. Let me off." Never fucking ending roller coaster ride and I'm sick of it. I want something tame like the carousel. We can go around the same circle - Excitementless. How about I just give up and walk away? I hate the carnival anyway.
Kristi ♥
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