alive.

i don't remember last night,

i just remember getting sick and feeling dizzy and calling my ma and

saying, take me to the hospital, i'm sick.

and needles, and electrodes.

and someone sitting in the room with me so i wouldn't run away.

and now i'm home, and i'm so, so sad,

that i did that, that i let myself do that, that my heart and head hurts,

that i can't even tell him, because he doesn't want to hear.

because yesterday he said he doesn't love me, he doesn't want me in his life, and while i was

lying on the floor crying, he came to my house and

gave me back hte note,

left it on my wind sheild just like

i did.

"this isn't the end, i promise. i love you."

but it is the end, oh god, it's the end.

but you know? i feel okay. i really do.

i feel beaten, and broken, and so tired. and if i hadnt seen my

heart beat on the monitor last night,

i wouldn't believe i still have one.

but i do,

and it is okay too. and i will be okay.