there

sometimes the thought of catching up with old friends scares me

if i go back back back, i would find so many entries about a little mangled, shredded, blended, juiced, icecubed heart
because of a big, sad, you

now if i think back (not so back) to yesterday, i would hear katie telling you, "she used to walk by you in the hallway and yell at you and kick lockers. one time she threw an apple, an apple core, at your head while you were mackin' your girlfriend"
and then i hear you say, "oh, we don't get along"

and now i don't think back
i just pull out letters and flowers that are hidden in secret hard to get to places

and wonder

what if

no.

it's done. i will never know you again.

aren't you supposed to love your first love forever? there is no love, just this weird numb feeling that makes some part want to see you, and some part want to key your car

but mostly i wonder

what do you think?