winter

snow and blue sky and a jacket that isn't warm enough and learning to smoke cigarettes in the negative numbers.

so

cold.

wind burn riding my bike to the grocery store to buy cigarettes and ale. cigarettes and ale and bananas.

today i woke up and it was noon and my class was over and the body next to mine was too warm. we fell asleep to a vampie movie with george clooney on in the background and i was drunk from wheat ale (the movie was, actually, funny)

the walk of shame home

was

long.

but luckily it was afternoon and most people were in class

thank

god

our dorms are connected.

ask me after i've had a few beers or some of that kraken rum and i'm sitting outside chain smoking with that beautiful brown face from venezuela and i will tell you

i am so happy. i am so happy here

ask me when i wake up and my head hurts and my roommate is calling me to ask, where are you?, and i haven't eaten since breakfast yesterday and i have an essay to finish in two hours and i miss waking up in my apartment with the sun coming in our windows and i will tell you

i do not belong.

i am soooo full of shit. so fulla shit.

on the bright side though i go home in less than twenty days and i will be in pdx for a week before coming back to the middle-of-nowhere. i want to get ink when i am home.

ink and stationary and kombucha and less expensive cigarettes

thank

god

for less expensive cigarettes.