building fences on the wall

I am so confused right now. I didn't know what letting him back in my life would imply nor the chaos that it would cause within me. I am happy yet angry. I feel so much right now; there's constant arguing in my head. I want to see where this goes yet I'm shitless scared to stick around for much longer.

There's no doubt that he makes me happy. I didn't think it could happen with him again. Afterall, it's been weeks now and nothing has happened. But tonight? I don't even know where the hell this happiness came from. I felt love for him again and those silly butterflies.

This scares me. I don't know what he wants from me. To make everything even worse, I don't know what I want from him either. I have thought about him ever since we broke up years ago. I have often wondered what it would be like to be with him again. Now that we're talking....no, flirting again, I don't know what to make of it.

The first time I thought he was meant for me. I was not so good back then yet it didn't matter to him. He tried to help and take care of me as best as he could. I ran away from the love he had so freely given me though. I never regretted it but every now and then I'd think of what would have happened if we had stayed together.

Now I seem to think the same. Is he meant for me? We are ridiculously compatible. We can talk about everything and not be embarrassed. I still want him to be happy. He is still sweet, caring, and funny. But I am still scared and I am finding myself beginning to run away again.

Because I think it's possible that I could fall in love with him again.

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