next entry: Making progress but a little scared

ROFLMAO...ooppss

11/13/2009

for those of you who looked at my last entry and are trying to figure out what was going on...sorry about that. I meant to erase that entry, I only published it to see if the layout would work I didn't even realize that I hadn't erased it until I got ya'lls comments expressing confusion. Yesterday was a very long, very bad and very hectic day, which I was hoping it wouldn't be because it was my two year anniversary with John, but that seems to be the way our luck goes. Anyway long story short my mom and her boyfriend got into this HUGE knock down blow out over the way he's been acting since he got here. He packed his things and went to stay up in the trailer he rented. Well she went up there to talk to him and not only did he blame everything on her but he then threw his Playstation controller on the floor, stomped it to pieces and then started kicking holes in the walls. Well momma told him right then and there that she wasn't staying in a house with violence and that she would be staying down here with me due to the fact that he had been violent. At this he informs her that if she leaves to stay with me that night that the relationship was over, momma said fine then you'd better come get the rest of your stuff. He then tried to accuse John of doing pot with him, John doesn't do pot anymore! John was even willing to go with me this morning to his probation officer and volunteer to take a drug test, plus he swore on Isabel that he didn't do it so I KNOW he's telling the truth! Mom came over here, told us what happened and we all decided that Johnny was not allowed at my house. Well by the time he arrived to get his things I had already gone and got our friend Maron (the BIG guy in the Halloween pics with John) to come over just in case we ended up needing backup. Needless to say Johnny was somewhat passive when he saw Maron's hulking frame sitting in my living room. While he was packing his things he tried to tell momma that he was going to force her to sign her car back over to him....ummm got news for you bud she paid for the car, with money out of HER hand all the papers are in her name including the tag and insurance...legally you have absolutely no rights over that car in any form or fashion, naturally momma told him there was NO way she was signing the car back over. Finally he got his things together and left but as he was leaving his rammed his car into Maron's satellite pole, funny thing was it didn't do a damn thing to the pole but it fucked up Johnny's bumper...I got a good laugh out of that one. But of course that too was a show of violence, so out of fear that Johnny would come in the night and sabotage moms car to get back at her she drove it out to my grandmothers house and I followed so we could hide the car until we knew it was safe. I then ended up staying up most of the night for fear that he would come after her in his drunken state, but he never did show again last night. We were actually beginning to think that maybe we had run him off for good, but he showed up this morning around 8 am. My first instinct was to immediately call the police and have him escorted off the property but momma asked me to give her enough time to talk to him. Of course she stayed on the porch in plain view and I stood at the door with phone in hand just in case. After about 20 minutes it became clear that Johnny was being much more rational so I got comfortable enough to give them some privacy. Then Johnny came in and tried to apologize to me for what happened last night. But his attitude sucked and he didn't sound sincere at all so I ignore him as if he wasn't even in the room, he flies off the handle again with "fine fucking ignore me then" and goes running out to his car. Two minutes later though he was back at my door, knocking politely. Irritated as I was I stomped over to the door and opened it up about an inch, just enough so I could ask him what the fuck he wanted, this time he looks down and goes "can I please come in and talk to you?" Reluctant as I was I knew by this point that momma was going to give him a second chance, so for her sake I let him in to say what he had to say. Once again he apologized for what happened last night at which point I told him that it went WAY deeper than the final blow up there at the end. If he was going to apologize for anything he needed to apologize for being monster he had been since he arrived at my house last Friday. There was way WAY to much said for me to be able to recap it all but Johnny never got a word in edge wise. By the time I got started all of my frustrations came flooding to the surface, he tried to interrupt me twice at which point I cut him off with "if you REALLY ARE sorry and you REALLY DO want me to eventually forgive you, then you'd better let me get this off my chest." So after about a 30 minute lecture from me Johnny swore to me that he was never going to betray me again and that he was going to prove that he was still a good guy. I haven't forgiven him yet, and John probably never will due to the fact that Johnny accused him of using drugs, but after our little chat this morning Johnny has been polite, affable and good to my mom. I simply had no choice but to give him a second chance once momma had decided she was going to because for me to ostracize him would mean ostracizing my mom which will never happen. Another reason I had to give Johnny a second chance is because I have known Johnny since I was still in diapers, he has been a huge part of my life for well over a decade. And I can honestly say without a doubt that the Johnny he has shown us this visit is NOT the Johnny I have known for 10 + years!! Knowing that Johnny has always been a respectful, loving and loyal friend to me and my mom I am willing to chalk this up as a nervous breakdown PROVIDED that the breakdown and disrespect are officially over. I made it clear to him that ONE more indiscretion, ONE more fuck up and he is not only not welcome back this trip but he will never have me to lean on in any way ever again. For the past 7 years, ever since I have had my own place, every single time something happened to Johnny...a break up, a fight between him and his family, an eviction you name it I've given him a place to crash no questions asked and no rent required! So if he screws it up this time he will have lost a true ally!! Well I'll update again later but for now mom and Johnny are here so I need to get off of here and entertain! Caio and Blessed Be!