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May 3rd.
by an adoption story

previous entry: Email update!

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Update.

05/26/2010

At first, the birth father wasn't sure if he wanted to see pictures of the baby or not.
To be honest, it seemed like he was more concerned on how I was doing.
He didn't really take an interest in Niklas.

After I got home, he kept in touch with me, and I had asked him if he wanted to see pictures of Niklas.
I said that if he wanted too, I would be more than happy to go over and show him.
If he didn't want too, he could just let me know and I wouldn't have hurt feelings.
His answer was "Maybe".

I'm not one to push anything on anybody. I wanted it to be on his time.

Two nights ago, he called me up, and we chatted for a bit.
He then asked me if Niklas was a cute baby.
I told him that he most definitly was a cute baby.
Dark hair, nice complexion. Good weight.

I then reminded him that I could bring over pictures so he could see Niklas, but if he didn't want to see them, that was fine also.

He paused a little bit, and I waited, and he said that he did want to see them.
He then nervously laughed and said that he wondered what he looked like.
I laughed and said I would be curious also.

I know that he told the adoption counselor that if Niklas wanted to find and meet him someday, he could.

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but the birth father is adopted as well.
Recently, he has been going through a tough time on wondering if he should find his birth mom or not.

He had talked to me privately about it, and then sat his best friend and I down to ask us what we thought.
We both told him that it was up to him on whether he wanted to find her or not.

Seeing him mill the questions around in his head makes me think about Niklas at 16 or 18 years old, having a lot of questions and thoughts.

I wanted to write Niklas a letter, but I have no idea what to write.
I don't really have much to say. Nothing that could make a whole letter.

Maybe when he turns 1 year old, I could write a letter.
Thanks for visiting.
Quiet Rain

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That's a good idea. A Letter early on would show that you have never forgotten about him. I hope the adoptive parents make sure he knows you haven't forgotten him.

[*just me*Star|0 likes] [|reply]

you could write him a letter now for when he gets older, just explaining your thoughts and stuff and the reason behind the adoption.

[brooke♥|0 likes] [|reply]

i think between now and his 1st birthday you absolutely could write Niklas a letter and have plenty to say by then. *hugs*

[~The New Mrs|0 likes] [|reply]

Yeah when he grows up if the parents do tell him he was adopted.. he might have questions. A letter might be nice

[.Jess|0 likes] [|reply]

there's no harm in writing him a letter, even if your thoughts are so scattered right now it would be good to write it all down, write down everything your thinking and wondering so that one day he can see that you never forgot about him, always loved him and just wanted what was best for him. I think at some point in his life he would really appreciate it. And im glad that you still have a friendship with the birthfather, someone that you can talk to that is going through it with you and the fact that he is taking an interest in Niklas and if he looked like the two of you ect shows that he does care and that he too wants what is best for him.

[Cuban Vixen|0 likes] [|reply]

u could tell him the truth your reasons and etc. i wasnt wanted by my biogloical parents for no good reasons... she was selfish and he didnt want to pay child support (he adopted away 2 other girls by other women, and hes on his thrid wife) but she just wanted to goof off since i was deaf, she didnt know what to do so i had been around my aunt (who i call my mom since i was 2) ever since... now she regrets it... i dk if she really does but i dont talk to her..

he might understand its always hard for the children who are adopted away... but he will know u always cared! what if you wrote to him every birthday?

[*~Amber~*|0 likes] [|reply]

I would write letters even if you don't send them. I'm sure one day he will want to read them

[Native.Mama|0 likes] [|reply]

That's the good thing about an open adoption... Niklas will be able to "find you" easily. :]

[The Only Blitch.|0 likes] [|reply]

Even if you just write him a couple letters, and then after a while go through them and pick out what you really wanted to say. I think it would be great for you to show him you didnt give him up "just because you didnt want him" kinda thing. I'm glad the birthfather is understanding and that you two can talk about it.

[fears.on.fireStar|0 likes] [|reply]

What Life is All About i had no clue u and he had been keeping in touch. good 4 u 2.

[Mami 2 ♥ 1|0 likes] [|reply]

awww bless the birth father, i hope that he figures out in his head what he wants to do and a letter sounds good! maybe once you start writing it will all just flow out and be easier to write

[Aprils.Angel|0 likes] [|reply]

I can understand why the birth father would stop to consider whether he wanted to see pictures or not.

It's interesting that he's adopted too. I wonder how all of this has affected him differently from you on that perspective.

I think even a short letter would say a lot. I don't know what it's like to be adopted and what goes through someone's mind when they think about their birth parents, but I'd imagine just an aknowledgement would be a good thing.

~

[internationalStar|0 likes] [|reply]

I've said it before, but I kind of think this whole diary is a letter to Niklas. It sheds some insight on you as his birth mother, on his birth father and on how you choose the people who will become such an integral part of his life. He'll probably have some of the same questions that you've already answered in the FAQ. Every parent wants to give their child a better life than they themselves have, right? And that's what you've done for Niklas. This journal showcases that.

[Hidden Depths|0 likes] [|reply]

I definately think you should save this diary and consider sending it to him for him to read when he's older. It's so lovely and shows how much thought and care and love went into having him and choosing the right parents.
It'd be nice to write him a letter too. You could always make notes now, just little things you've thought of and then cherry pick the best bits for the letter you write later?

It's lovely about the father wanting to know whilst respecting your decision.

[amyStar|0 likes] [|reply]

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