Peaches & Cream | 01/07/2012 |
oatmeal, that is.
Finally dragged my ass out of bed. It's been 2 1/2 days now. I can't believe that my mother still has the power to do this to me.
When I talked to my therapist, he told me that I was having, like, a 'feeling memory' - which I have had before, and am very familiar with - but this one was more like HOW my mother made me feel when I was a child. Ashamed. Unloved. Like it's my fault that my mother and my father don't love me.
Anyway.....
I got a phone call on January 5th - again from New Jersey. I have now talked to these people (my great aunt and great uncle) more in one week than I have in 35 years.
Apparently nobody can get ahold of my mother to get her to sign the papers so that my grandmother can be cremated. Ugh. As of the 5th, I talked to the funeral director in New Jersey, and I asked him where Grandma was, and he said, "Grandma is right here." and that he couldn't do anything until my mother got in touch with him. So, my grandmother's body was STILL lying in the morgue, 4 days after she had died.
I really wish that I could do something about all of this. But, I can't. My mother is my mother. And she has 'disowned' me many times, so I cannot go and talk to her for them. Because, if my mother doesn't want to talk to you, she will sit right in her door and look at you, but not answer her door.
And this may make me sound like a total bitch, but I cannot answer the phone when they call from New Jersey again. My emotions can't afford the expenditure anymore.
Cam and I are going to watch a movie now. He wants to see TRANSPORTER II, so that is what we are going to watch.
I made him a 'case' for his new computer - crocheted it - he really likes it. I made the flap so that it can be 'tied' shut like a journal. It came out pretty good. |
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