and i blame myself because i make things hard. | 07/23/2011 |
I just don't care anymore. I wanted something to come of my feelings for so long. I wanted to be the girl he couldn't get out of his head, but now, I just want everything to stop. I don't want to believe I matter. I don't want to believe that he cares. I just want him to be some boy I randomly talk to. I know that sounds crazy when I wanted everything to be more for so long, but it's true. I'm not saying I don't still fancy the kid, because I do. I'm not going to sit here and pretend my feelings disappeared, because they didn't. I'm just not one to waste hope on something hopeless. For awhile I liked to pretend that there was potential. That maybe, just maybe, I'd have a shot, but that was just wishful thinking. As a wise woman once said to me, "if a boy wants to be with you, he'll be with you." He's not with me, so obviously he doesn't want to be. If I'm lucky, maybe one day I'll find that boy who wants to be with me. Maybe I won't have to wonder and question and hope. Maybe one day I'll find that boy who'll spend just as much time thinking of me, as I do him. Maybe. But for now, I just don't care anymore. He can save his complaints for someone he actually wants to talk to. He can save his "compliments" for someone he actually means to compliment. He can save his "good mornings" for someone who's morning he actually wants to be good. I'm a waste of his time, and he's a waste of mine.
Shannon
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