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i feel like i'm falling in love alone. | 07/10/2009 |
Currently: [Tick Tock:] 1152pm
[Ends In Y:] Friday
[Munching:] Nothing
[Slurping:] Nothing
[Not Naked:] A Rocket to the Moon shirt & AE jogging pants
[Air Pollution:] All Time Low: Walls
[Chit-Chatting:] Nobody
Scream Me A Love Song. I can't do this. I can't like him anymore. I need to stop it somehow. I need to hit the off button on my heart when it comes to liking him. But, no matter how hard I try, I can't make it stop. I can't stop my heart from loving him. It's silly and it doesn't make any sense. It's unexplainable and ridiculous. And I hate every second of it. I sometimes think it would be easier if he would just tell me he doesn't like me back. To leave his life and never come back. I say sometimes, because I don't know that those words would ever leave his mouth. I'm not saying he likes me, because I'm convinced he doesn't... I just don't believe that he would want me out of his life. At least not completely. Believing that makes my heart smile and frown at the same time. It makes it smile because some part of me knows he'd miss me if I were to leave. And it makes me frown because the other part believes he won't tell me the truth because he doesn't want me to be completely out of his life. That leaves me in the middle again... With no real place to belong in his life. That's why I hate liking him. He has a place in my life... In my heart and I'm left floating around in an empty space when it comes to where my place is in his life.
I know he wishes I didn't like him either. I know he regrets some of the choices he's made when it comes to our relationship. But, he has to realize that some of the things he does makes it's harder for me to stop liking him. You can't text me 'I love you,' two days after I tell you that I'm in love with you and not think I'm going to wonder why you would do something like that. Don't come over my house, after over a month of not seeing each other and lay in my bed with me and little sister and watch Michael Jackson videos. Don't try and find an excuse to touch me. Don't make me hug you and then hug me like you never want to let go. Maybe I want those things to mean more then they actually do. Maybe I want to believe they mean that he could love me too. Maybe.
Maybe I just want all the pieces to fit together like they used too.
Shannon
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