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An
Unconventional
Emotionalism.
by [SHANNON].

previous entry: the fact about fiction is that it's always in your head.

next entry: so you give up every chance you get.

i need to kiss a set of new lips.

02/13/2009



Currently:
[Tick Tock:] 1145pm
[Ends In Y:] Friday
[Munching:] Nothing
[Slurping:] Nothing
[Not Naked:] The Starting Line shirt & AE jogging pants
[Air Pollution:] Mayday Parade: When I Get Home, You're Dead
[Chit-Chatting:] Away Message Says... I'm just some girl.
Scream Me A Love Song.
So, I slept with Charlie. It's not a regret or something I wish I could take back. However, for the past few days it's been bothering me. Not for normal reasons... Like the fact that I haven't talked to him since or that I don't think I'll be talking to him again anytime soon or even the fact that I know he's still holding out for his ex. It bothers me because it doesn't matter to me the way people think it should. I don't want him to call me to go out on dates (not that I see that happening). I don't want him to think that I want that either. I don't want him to wonder if he could fancy me or not. I don't want him too. You would think that since I know what I want and it's what I'm getting, I'd be fine. I'm not though. I keep thinking I'm supposed to think and feel differently about this because so many people expect me to think and feel totally differently then I do. The only way I want to matter to him is being worth another invite at 2 in the morning. That fact that I'm obviously not hurts my ego a bit... Maybe a lot. Which I can deal with. My ego will eventually stop hurting. I just hate that I'm freaking out over this, but not because of my own thoughts and feelings, but because of the feelings people keep thinking I should feel. It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. It makes me worry that maybe I'm hiding behind all these "male" like thoughts because I don't want what everyone thinks I feel, to be the way I feel. I don't think that's it. Actually, I'm 100% positive that's not it, but that doesn't stop the worrying from entering my thoughts. I wish I felt more comfortable telling people. I don't though. Most of the people have already told me what they would think if they were to find out we slept together. I'm just really confused, but not for normal reasons... For reasons created by other people. It sucks.

Shannon




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previous entry: the fact about fiction is that it's always in your head.

next entry: so you give up every chance you get.

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you need to forget what other people think, or what you think they think, etc.
i lost my virginity to a boy i hardly knew, and certainly wasn't in love with. i wanted to hook up with him again, but in no way did i expect him to be my boyfriend or anything that goes along with "traditional" relationship sex. i was fine with what it was, and so was he, and that's all that mattered.
i'm not someone who has all sorts of meaningless sex. any other time i've done it, i wanted the guy to call me again, we had a relationship, whatever. but sometimes you just know what you want, and have to go with it, regardless of social norms.

[girlsetsfireStar|0 likes] [|reply]

the cookie will be to you eventually lol

[TheLazyNinjaStar|0 likes] [|reply]

it is a 7 day mexican riviera cruise. Cabo, Mazatlan, and Puerto Viallarta

[brunetteinsomniac|0 likes] [|reply]

Diary added to your faves.
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