I liked the idea of being happy. I enjoyed smiling and laughing until my face hurt. I missed it. I had spent so long being unhappy, being miserable, I loved the idea of not being consumed by those negative emotions anymore and only being consumed by positive ones. That's not the case anymore. The negative's returned. It's taken over. It's become all consuming again. It tears away at my heart. It attempts to devour me bit-by-bit.
I refuse to tell anymore. I refuse to talk about it. No one really cares about how I'm feeling or how out of whack my emotions are. They may ask, but they don't want to know. They don't want to hear about how my heart constantly hurts. I'm alone in a world full of people.
I don't care the I'm intentionally alienating everyone I know. I don't miss them not being around. I don't care that I'm alone. People are too selfish to care about anyone but themselves. No one notices that I've slowly started to fall off the face of the planet. No one will miss me when I'm gone. Not gone-gone, just gone from their lives.
I'm done. I quit. I quit everyone. I quit everything.
Shannon
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