some love to hate, and some tell you lies. | 09/07/2011 |
This was it. It was everything I wanted and more. It made me happy, it made me sad. It was the perfect combination of everything good and everything bad. It made me feel like I mattered. Like I was important. Like I was special. A bad day was turned good with a simple text message, or a smile, or a hug. No, it wasn't love, at least not in the sense you're thinking. There wasn't going to be any wedding bells or stolen kisses. It was my rock. It was the thing that I depended on, even though I didn't want to. It was imperfect perfection, which made it perfect.
There was trust, a lot of trust, but unfortunately there was also deceit. There was confessions, and truths, but there was also things held back, things not spoken, things not discussed. It caused chips to be formed in the foundation. It created questions that were never answered. It created doubt that wouldn't go away. It made something solid, something dependable, weak and unreliable. The trust disappeared first, leaving devastation in its wake. It's foundation was destroyed. Nothing was holding it together anymore, so it fell apart.
It can never be put back together, at least not the way it was. It will never be as beautiful, as innocent. It has tarnish. It will always have tarnish. Maybe it'll just stay forever broken. Maybe it's pieces will forever just be pieces, never to be put back together again. Maybe it'll be beautiful again. Maybe it will be more beautiful than it was before. That's unlikely though. Damage like this isn't reparable. There's not finding a way to put these pieces back together, because they no longer fit. They don't belong to the same puzzle, they're no longer part of the same story. There's no longer a connection. All circuits fail.
It was beautiful once. It was imperfect perfection. Now, it's nothing but a painful memory full of regrets and wishes.
Shannon
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