Who knew that you could actually feel heartache in a dream?
It hurt. My shoulders are agony today from holding tension in my sleep. That's a new level of stress, isn't it?
I couldn't sleep until gone 6am - it's extremely difficult to manage a booty call when you both live with your parents, now. Holy shit. I owe James a thousand christmas gifts for allowing strange things to happen in his flat. And now, I owe my parents a thousand gifts for pretending to be oblivious and deaf.
Well, it wasn't until I could have him, and sit with toast and tea, enjoying the afterglow until exhaustion (and a certain amount of orgasm induced chemical reactions) let me sleep. It's not the healthiest solution, but I think I'm past caring about what's healthy. God, that's terrible.
My gender dysphoria has been... shockingly bad, lately. It worries me. I don't want to... worry about this anymore. Perhaps it's the parents, also. It's difficult to be your own person when you live at home, I'd forgotten that. If I felt this way in my own place, I'd do something about it... but as much as my parents can turn a blind eye too, they might not be so calm when I start shaving my legs and painting my nails. It's almost laughable.
I'm also heartbroken that one of my closest friends is moving to London - I'm sososohappy for her, but sad for myself. She always understood. Everything.
I think I spent so much time worrying about Rich, now that he's got other people looking after him, he's on medication, he's in therapy, he's doing... incredibly well... suddenly, all the energy I put into looking after him has nothing to channel into. I spent so long worrying for him, it meant I didn't have to look at my own mental health and emotional wellbeing. And it's not something I like looking at too closely. Pull yourself together, shirley.
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