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AmyChristine's Bloop
by amychristine

previous entry: Thank you bloop girls

next entry: I am soooo excited!!!

it's too hard

06/09/2010

It really just hit me that my baby should be a year old now. I was looking at a friend's profile on facebook and saw that she posted pictures of her daughter's first birthday. I "hid" this friend after I had the miscarriage because she was due the same time as me and it was just too painful to see her posts about being pregnant. Most of them were complaints and it just made me so angry and it hurt me that she was taking it for granted. I would gladly suffer through morning sickness and back pains everyday if I didn't lose that baby. It still hurts so bad. I look at Emma and I am so happy to have her and am so grateful for her, but I feel like I'm not done yet. I've always wanted to be a mother, and I know I am, but I mean I want like 4 kids. I want a baby so bad now, and I don't know if I'll ever get one. Eric says it will happen eventually, but I don't know how to mark "eventually" on my calendar. He goes back and forth on the whole baby issue. I try to stay positive and think that it will happen, and we'll both be happy when it does (unlike my last 2 pregnancies where I was the only happy one), but I keep getting this sinking feeling that it won't happen. Emma is going to be 6 on Sunday. She graduates from kindergarten tomorrow. She's not a baby anymore. If I was 100% sure that I would have another baby this wouldn't hurt as bad. Eric and I are pretty happy right now. We're finally getting out of debt and we're on the right track. But this can't be it. I can't be done having kids. Now I can't stop crying and I feel like there is no one that I can talk to that is unbiased. I try to talk to my mom (and I love my mom more than words can tell) but she plays the victim and I end up feeling guilty that I'm not having another baby (yet hopefully). Eric is completely emotionless when it comes to baby talk now. Now I know that I should feel lucky that I can have children and that I have at least one, and I do feel for anyone that can't have a baby, but that's not going to make me want another baby any less. It's too hard, and it hurts.

previous entry: Thank you bloop girls

next entry: I am soooo excited!!!

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Random Noter - Hugs.

[i.can.only.imagine|0 likes] [|reply]

you know how i feel about babies--- BUT!

Yes-- you are able to have kids. Be thankful for that. Maybe you should have a conversation with Eric saying "hey. once we have X saved in the bank, I want to go off my birthcontrol. What are your thoughts about that?" or "once we have reached Y in life (having a house, being totally debt free, etc)

Also-- remind him that the longer you wait, the bigger adjustment it's going to be for Emma. She's used to being the baby.

Eric is a logic-minded person. If you approach the situation logically (rather than emotionally--which you may or may not be doing right now, i can't say for sure) then he may be more open to the idea.

Also--- i would point out to him that when you had emma you were in a different place financially. right now/soon he may feel better about it because you are getting out of debt and have more spending money.

[LN|0 likes] [|reply]

you know you've always got me to talk to about this and *cough* we have

I think you need to really talk to Eric and finally put your foot down. Either you have a baby or you dont but you've given him TONS of space on this.

[**StephanieNicole**Star|0 likes] [|reply]

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