For your information

02/22/2010

I am still: an outpatient. That is, I approached them about being an inpatient, and they seemed to feel that my chances of not relapsing were better if I continued with the intensive outpatient program.

I am still: single. That is, I have not gone back to the devil.

I am still: here. That is, in this house, with my stepson and my ex, with nowhere to go, and no place for me to be. Most of my belongings are still with him. I feel displaced and I utterly hate it here. I can't concentrate. It is always noisy. I hate it.

I want to go back to him so bad. I miss him, love him, want to forgive him. I want to forgive him. And you know how good I am at tricking myself into believing something I want to believe. But I can't. My gut tells me no. Something HUGE has to happen before I can feel safe with the decision to go back with him. I don't know what, though...