Luke caught me looking at myself in the mirror today. He commented that I looked sad. I corrected him: I look fat. He sighed and shook his head and collapsed onto our bed. He covered his face with a pillow and I stared at him quietly. After a while, he asked through the pillow, "still there?" I told him, yes, and sat next to him. His hand reached out and landed on my leg, he felt around until he found my hand, took it in his, and squeezed it tightly. A lump rose up in my throat and I was overcome with guilt because I know, I know, I fucking know I've been a shit boyfriend. I know. I'm sorry. You know me, I get carried away, you know? I'm sorry.
He said, "Aaron, what do I have to do to get your attention?"
"I... have... attention... deficit... disorder..."
He took the pillow from his head and glared at me. I gave him a little smile and he looked away. Leaning over him, I could tell he was trying not to laugh, so I tickled him until he had tears in his eyes. We got naked and I layed on top of him and whispered in his ear an invitation to break another bone. And we kissed and bit each other for a bit until he replied, quietly in my ear as well, "no."
Then he told me, in an equally seductive manner, to break it off with my sub. And I was so shocked and upset by that that I went and had a full panic attack that I'm only just now recovering from. I think I'm so upset because... if he wants me to, then I have to. Even though I know that if I said that I didn't want to, he wouldn't make me... if he wants me to, I have to. He wouldn't ask me to do it if it wasn't important to him.
So I suppose I'm a little heart broken now.  I was ... falling for that kid, hardcore. Really falling for him. I think about him all the time and I know that I've been utterly neglecting Luke. But it's a new relationship, you know? New relationships are always fresh and glorious... it doesn't mean I love Luke any less... but it does mean I'm a right shit for not giving Luke the attention I know he needs. Especially after all that's happened the last few weeks.
Goodbye, my adorable little freak of a submissive slave whore
............God, I don't know if I can... Like I said, I've fallen for him. He's too young for me, I know... but age doesn't seem to be an issue because... what we do, it's not even... Well... I would like to say it isn't sexual, because it is. But there's no kissing, no touching, no sex. Just a fair few erections and clothed grinding and cock teasing and dirty, dirty commands that he obeys each and every time because he's such a good boy, such a dirty little slut (albeit a virgin slut), such an obedient slave of mine. Mine
PS- Some of you may have missed my last entry because I wrote it and then backdated it. Because I wrote it in my opendiary and left it there, without posting it here as well, until days later. So, it's there. Read it, comment it, or die.
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