Opened up to Luke about how much I feel that I need "my sub" around. I don't want to give him up I will if he insists, but it will really hurt me to do so He said, [summarised]: "if you have real feelings for him, you need to tell him. Right now he thinks that his love isn't reciprocated and he is probably very confused about what he means to you. Be honest with him. If you want to date him, I won't tell you not to. But he is young and everybody will hate you for this. They'll think you manipulated him or exposed him to something depraved and sick. Nobody will approve of you. It will make him have to lie to everyone he cares about. Don't let him enter this blindly. Be honest with him. And make sure he knows that he'd be sharing you with me. Make sure he understands everything before you even... ...And don't you dare fuck him without talking to me about it first. Don't even -- ...fuck. It's a bad idea, Aaron."
And I replied: "more reason to go ahead with it, then, huh?"
What the FUCK? Why can't I walk away from this??! He's right, it IS a bad idea, but I CAN'T walk away. He is too. Fucking. Perfect. He fills all the holes in me that I didn't know were there until I met him. He doesn't even know what he does for me. He is utterly innocent and pure and humble and sincere and ... he's also a virgin and... *sigh* sixteen years old.
I know. I know. It looks bad. It looks... really bad. ...For one, he IS legally an adult... not that we're having sex anyway... And for another, he initiated EVERYTHING. This is HIS fantasy. The sissy shit, the cuckolding, the verbal humiliation, the clothed-Dom unclothed-sub, slavery, even fucking... he wants me to use him, degrade him, humiliate him (in private), everything EVERYTHING... He told me it's what he wanted. More than anything. He's not aroused without it. He's never ... He's... I don't know. This is in his blood. He's so obedient, I'm always wondering wtf who fucking trained you? And he says, "this is just the way I am." And my heart melts. It's not me exposing him to these things... It's him exposing me. So for fucks sake I'm not some goddamn predator. I didn't mean it to happen like this. We flirted once and then fell into this. I just know it looks bad, and I know as the older, more experienced one I shouldn't be dragging him down this path but he's been taken advantage of because of his need to submit before and he deserves to be looked after and ... I want to protect him and show him... I don't know. I just care for him deeply and .... I can't walk away from it.
Luke is amazing for listening and I think he understands... In any case, he knows it's between me and sub boy and he will just support me either way because he is fucking perfect and I'm the luckiest guy in the world wtf was I jesus christ in my past life? |
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