Hiding outside the library chain smoking because I am disappointed, disillusioned, discouraged.
Two weeks of recovery and for what? I've lost a kilo. And that was first thing in the morning, I'd just had breakfast and drank a litre of water. ...I've lost a kilo.
How did this fucking happen???? I may have binged on an entire tub of icecream and thrown it up, but that doesn't make you lose a kilo. I went for a few long walks... Last week I ran for two hours... Yesterday I didn't eat a thing until dinner time... But... Other than that... *sigh* I've been trying really hard... I've been really trying... Maybe too easy on myself... Maybe I'm delusional... Maybe I've been lying to myself... Again...
They're not impressed with the results. I'm so scared. The goal is to get me at a safe weight first and foremost. Please don't hospitalise me. Oh god. I'll do better, somehow...
I tried so fucking hard. I ate a LOT. I ate like a PIG. How can I not have put on weight? Their scales are broken. Those stupid cunts. Fuck this. |