If you dont want to feel down, you probably shouldnt read this.
Besides, you heard this before.
I am sitting at home in my room when it's 70 something out.
The last few days I have been feeling really down. The only time I am happy is when I'm listening to my baseball.
I am 34 years old, I have 3 college degrees, two being master degrees and yet I am working 4 hours a week, living in my parent's home, feeling lonely and alone without a lady to call, to hang out with. When I do go out with someone, I'm always the third wheel.
I got in touch with a former neighbor of mine through FB. My grandfather went the weekend in the hospital and when my mom went up to take my nanna to visit him, a little cute lady had her arm around my mom and said in her perky voice I'm sure. "HI MRS. ALPERT" and it was her. I figured I would fb her and see how she is. She is getting married in July, she has this great job as an RN, she sounds really happy.
Then I saw on fb today, a lady who was interning at my job last summer, got accepted to a PHD program. She maybe jumping over the master's and going for her PHD. She's cute, smart, perky and talkative. hehe.
I just feel like my life is passing me by. My twin is having a kid in July.
My sister is slowly planning her wedding.
And I get to tag along with my parents, what ever they want to do. Yesterday, my mom wanted me to get out of the house because it was nice out. She said "let's go take a ride". we'll go for lunch" hmm ok, we can go for lunch... 45 minutes later, of me just sitting in the car being mentally bored, thinking how I feel like a little kid but I have nothing better to do, we end up at a beach, way up near NH, that has a few outdoor restaurants. It also has an arcade and other things. During the summer, it is a place to be if you are either a biky or a teenager. So my mom drags me up there, I get a hotdog and lemon aid, and then we drive back the 45 mins, as I am sitting there bored. Not like I can see the developements or what ever else along the high way, it was just me, my thoughts and my mom's music on. sound fun?
I just wonder if this is my life?
I want a job, so I can feel productive.
Can you imagine what it would feel like to feel unproductive for 4 years? Ever since I received my CAGS degree and the day treatment program closed, where I was working 20 hrs a week, I have done very little with my life.
I have so much to offer a company and a lady and yet, I don’t have either.
I have thought about trying to find another career, but I wouldn’t have a clue what I would do or what I would be able to do.
“I want, something else, to get me through this, life.” |
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