hmm ok, so although my day was a smack in my face, it wasnt THAT bad.
It started off alright. I went to the mall with my mom to get me a haircut and to go to my bank to get a copy of my bank statements dating back to Sept of 09. (if you are cluless of what I'm talking about, it's because it was in an entry that I put on private. but the short of it was there is a question about my SSI amount which I had recieved over x time.) When on SSi you can only have X amount in the account, and some months, I did go over but it was only because they had randomly put cost of living increases into my account and that had brought it over and adjustments in at times where they felt they had messed up and I was not getting what I was owed so they would give me more. Eh, I wasnt going to question them on that. So when my mom looked at the statements month by month, she did notice where the money went over. But now they want it back? well, since I did go above the x amount on multiple months, and some I had exceeded by a LOT, (whithout knowing) my mom thinks I shouldnt fight it and just pay it back my dad well, I didnt talk to him about it last night but he said the day before when he read the letter that I could fight it but he didnt think I would win.
hmm what great supporting parents, eh?
So I may just let it go and give the gov back the money they gave me. when I was a kid, we would call that an indian giver.
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Next... was the dr. appointment.
It was your normal physical but for big boy Jonathan, it is a sorce of anxiety, fear, anger, and knowledge that it is imminent.
As far back is I can recall, (4 years old was the first I recall the fear to have started) I would pass out at the sight of bl..d or when I would have bl..d drawn. My body would break out in a cold sweat, I would feel dizzy and light headed, my body, and especially my legs would feel extremely weak, I would feel nauseous, sometimes throwing up and on occasions, faint-passout.
Last year when I had to do my firstaide-cpr recert, I actually did passout but was lucky enough that I recognized my simptoms and got the person sitting next to me to get me out of the room.The year before I came close to during a OSHEA training but again, got myself out of the room and the secretary was prepared as we joked about it before hand and she didnt panic or anything (not that she did the first time) and got me a glass of water and a cold wet paper towell.
I tried to distract myself this time though. I brought my MP3 player. I set it on a relaxing bon jovi song that I knew all the words to, and when the dr asked me if I had a FLU shot and if I wanted one, I told him that I would but dont talk to me. (when doing it) and I put my headphones on, and played my bon jovi, and ... it worked. yay! no cold sweat, no passing out or anything.
Although the flu shot does leave my arm feeling weak for a few days and it does hurt for a few days where it happened, I will be ok.
I tried it again when they were doing the bl..d work but it didnt work as well. I did go white and I had the weak feeling but my mom got me out of there before my simptoms progressed to passingout.
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Not that it was my mom's fault, but within an hour time, she had to stop short 3 times when driving and since my car accident on 9-6-98, I'll get flash backs and freeze up. If I could see what is going on, I would know that I am in no danger, but since I cant see, I have no idea what is-will happen. It's scary.
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work... fucking sucks. I want to quit.
I feel so worthless and belittled.
I feel like that I dont matter.
AND 50 percent of that is from my coworker.
This is not the first time, far from it, that this has happened but since it played out so perfectly in front of me, it was like a sword through my heart, soul and brain.
We have a new client in the house. I was going to do a group where I would talk about myself, what I do and my education. I will have all the members of the house go around and say their name and then something about themself and then have the new person tell us a few things about themself.Then we would talk about the house and again, I would ave the members go around, saying their name (so the new person can learn the names) and tell the new person something about the house. It could be about the chorse they do, about the cooking, about the staff, about the day progra they attend... anything. Then I would conclude with a summary and ask the new person if they have any questions.
So that was my plan for the group.
When I first got into work I went to my coworker to say "HI" and let her know I am there. I also let her know what I was planning to do. I do that every time. I told her that on Tuesday when I was there i didnt know the new person had been there because no one told me he was till my group and one of my members told me, which I did get 3 people to come on Tuesday. My coworker told me that she would introduce me to the new person.
At 5;15 I went down stairs to ask my coworker to help me gather the members up for me. Her response was "i'll try but I can't make them go to group." I responded by saying "no, but you do a better job at it." and I went to the dining room where I hold groups. I had 2 members there, out of the 7, and neither was the new member. After 15 minutes of waiting, one of the members who were sitting at the table said "I dont think they are coming" I did hear my coworker walking around down stairs so I told the two who were at the table that I will wait a few minutes. One said to just start and I told them what the group would be about so I couldnt do it without everyone there and especially the new guy.
About 5;45 my cowroker came up stairs and said "are you finish with your group?" I told her that no one came. "you have 2 people here?" "yes, but I wanted to have everyone here." she goes "so you are done, right?" with a defeated feeling I said "ya"
Just off of the dining room is one of the bedrooms. She went over, knocked on the door and said "name, house meaning" Then went down stairs and got everyone in the house to come up stairs.
So everyone is sitting in front of me to do the "house meeting" with my coworker which consist of deciding who's going to cook what and to pass out the chores for the week.... As the sword is being slowly passed through my bones, heading towards my heart)
Then she says "everyone knows (new person names), you have all talked to him right? make him feel welcomed, ok? ok, group is over. And she just turned around and went back to her office.
... no introduction of names or explaining what they are expected to do in the house or anything. I felt bad for the new guy.
and... she never introduced me to the new guy no "this is Jonathan he is our... he does...."
How would you feel if you were in my shoes? |
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჻ೋ჻ Yeah I would have said something to the co-worker like, "Do you even know how to do your job? No my group is not done because you did not do your job in getting the people here including the new person. And were you born in a cave? Anywhere you go you introduce a new person to the other people! Sorry you were raised by wolves but let's try to act a little like someone with common sense the next time, thanks." You co-worker is an idiot. Please feel free to pass on that message for me.
ryc: I'm just saying it now or i'd forget lol... 