WhEn PuSh CoMeS tO sHoVe
It has been awhile. Sorry. Anyway. Quick update before the rant. I still like Jared, he got a new girlfriend - Becca (actually I don't know how it is spelled, sorry if I totally butchered the name). Brian... well... I don't know. I think... I think I like Jared more, but both are totally pointless I know. Cort and I are still going to prom, in fact, I am trying to iron out the details for going out to eat for prom. But see, my friends don't know... I know we are going to the Cheesecake factory, but all eight of us cannot fit into one car, and so most likely they are probably going to go, and I will drive Cort and I. That will be great. Um... work sucks, SLC (State Leadership Conference for FBLA) Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Chris and Sarah from work are getting married Saturday. Umm.... I am actually NOT looking forward to Prom. It is turning out to be so much work for me to do.... I feel so out-of-place, especially around my friends when it seems like they don't want me there.
I think that is it, so ON TO THE RANT! Well I believe I mentioned that I got a 30 on my February ACT. I am not taking it in April because of SLC. That was the third time I have taken it. Now, my school wants to do ACT reviews in my English class, for the english and reading tests. Sigh. This is were I get ticked, and I need to get it out of my system for tomorrow.
The guidance counselor at my school told my english teacher that EVERYONE needs to be in there for the review. And I could get over that... I get a 50 minute nap in the beginning of the day. What pisses me off is when she tells me (guidance counselor) that I HAVE to take the ACT again. (This sounds a little bad, so just bear with me till the end so I can fully explain myself.) Before my teacher let anyone that wasn't taking it this Saturday go and do other work. Now, everyone has to stay in class. Fine... whatever. It pisses me off there cause I have so much work to do in computers.
What really pisses me off is when she tells me that I have to take it. She insists over and over again that I am taking it again. I have taken it three times. THREE TIMES!!! Besides it is my choice. I don't to take it again. I am happy with my 30... do you know why? Because that is what I wanted. That was my goal. Sorry I am not better. Sorry I am not perfect. Sorry I didn't live up to your expectations, but this is my fucking life and I DONT WANT TO TAKE IT AGAIN!!!
Sorry, it is just. GRRR. My guidance counselor wants me to get a 34. Puh-lease. I don't think I could do that good. I wonder if she realizes how many you can miss to get that score. Not very many. I wish she was just freaking happy I took it three times, and got a great score, and that I am happy with it. Why can't she just be satisfied with that? I know she wants the best... well I'm not so sure sometimes, but let us be positive. But I am not taking it again now, BECAUSE she demands that I take it for a FOURTH time.
I don't think I really will get much more scholarship money than I already can with my score. And... that is not the point. I don't want to take it again. Is a 30 now good? Is it just not good enough? The freaking guidance counselor expects so much. I would expect her to be supportive... not demanding and controlling. Seriously, she thinks she is SO right.
She does the same thing with online classes. And she makes me feel horrible for not wanting to take any online classes and for taking art classes. Yeah, I don't plan on majoring in art or anything, but I want to take them. I enjoy them. I have four years to spend in college, I don't really want to do spend the next year of high school going to college too. I know they are useful, and I don't have to pay for them now. But... it is just... I don't want to take them. I want to take Art, and Photography, Journalism (Yearbook) and Graphic Design. Right now those are important too me, and they are good for me. I know they are. I can't explain it, but they are.
So I guess what my entire rant is about, is that I am sick and tired of being forced into 'reviewing' for a freaking ACT test I am not going to take again when I could actually be doing something than sleep. I am not going to take it again because my guidance counselor is demanding I take it. I didn't want to take it again in the first place because I got my score. I reached my goal and met my expectations of myself. Personally, I think she should be advising. Saying stuff like "Well, if the students that aren't taking the ACT in april want to review, they can. It would be better, but if they have other work." Or stuff like "Rachel, it wouldn't be a bad idea if you took the ACT again this fall, but you don't have to. You got a great score and if you are happy with that and don't think you can do better that is fine."
Really, I want her to be more like my parents in that aspect. Because my parents - I am serious - are SO supportive when it comes to stuff like this. We get crap in the mail about what my school offers and my mom is just like "Do you want this? Something you want me to keep?" And I am like "Nope, I don't want to take any online." And she is fine. I tell her what classes I want to take and she is fine with them, supportive. She trusts me and wants me to pick my own path instead of one she would pick for me.
Because they know I am 99.9% sure I am not going to an in-state school when I graduate. I already have a school all picked out that I want to go to. And while I MIGHT get into Harvard or Yale (hell, I am going to apply next year, just to see. It can't hurt.) I just don't think I would like that. That is just it. I don't need to be the best. I don't WANT to be the best. I want to be me... and live up to my expectations and reach my goals... not someone else's for me.
Does any of this make sense? I hope so. I know, people will say A. You should just take it. or B. Just Ignore her. And I know I should but it just irks me. Sorry... but yeah, that is basically it. Sorry if I seem like a bitch from that, but well if I am - I am. That will be the truth then.
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