If I remember correctly and if I am honest with myself, the depression on some days (recently) is actually worse than the one back in 2002 in California. Back then, I did not fantasize about I.V. drips of euphanasia and anesthesia drugs to take me away from this world. Back then, I did not imagine bullets puncturing through my hearts.
As I've mentioned in the past, I am not suicidal. I don't have the right to take my own life. However, I could now understand how previous servants of God were not afraid of death.
These days, it's quite strange. It fluctuates drastically. I could be feeling emotionally really good (which is something that didn't occur back then in the depression prior to 2002. However, on some days, it could get so low that I am fantasizing about my own death.
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