ocument type="layout" layout="Paris Love" layout_href="/lovebipolarinc/layout-parislove" author="Beth@Love Bipolar Inc." author_href="/lovebipolarinc/">
 | | | Life Isn't So Bad
Yesterday was a rough day for me... I was trying hard to remember why I married S and I came up with the "He was safe" answer because I've been feeling stuck in a rut and life lacking excitement... which it's partly true. S doesn't brim with excitement and fun, but I love him... He is good for me, better than D could ever be. And with this recent D obsession, I've realized that it's because it's "new", these weird feelings.. I miss the newness of a relationship, the dating scene, and all that jazz...so I latched on to this thing and clung. S and I have been together for 7 1/2 years, we have 3 children ranging from 5 to 2 months, so life is less than adventurous for us and I get bored easily. {Though being a parent is pretty adventurous, lol}
I knew I had to pick our oldest up from school today and that D would be there... I had a hard time sleeping last night, my mind was consumed with thoughts about seeing D, being close to him, if we would talk, what I would say... It just kept reeling in my mind, haunting and torturing me... And today when I got there, it was rough at first, when he first walked in I was thankfully talking to another parent that I knew and he went and stood on the other side of the gym... My hands shook at first then I noticed he seemed to be a little nervous too? *Shurgs* I don't know, but we never exchanged words, our eyes never fully met though it almost happened a couple times. It was hard to keep my eyes from him, especially when I heard him talking... And as my son and I were leaving, D and his daughter went out the doors the same time as us, still there were no words, only half a glance... and that was it. And I felt better... I do have feelings for him, they will never go away and I'm okay with that... He's going to be around and we're going to run into each other from time to time, but that's it...
There is nothing but old feelings and memories between us. He is married with 3 children and so am I... I don't for one second wish that I was with him instead, S is my love and soul... I can not be happy with out him in my life, as my husband... So if life gets a little boring from time to time, we'll find things to spice it up and pull us out of the "old" couple rut.
I know that this isn't over, I'll be here to say that I'm having weak moments and missing D... but over all, I'm content with my life and all it's boring-ness lol.
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Love Bipolar Inc
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