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~♥ Today I'm Thankful For... Aleve. I seem to have a cavity and Aleve takes the soreness away. I love you Aleve!
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Things have been interesting lately. The Boyfriend and I argued again this week. At first I was so bothered by it but then I stopped to look at the facts. This relationship is still new and we are still getting to know each other. Fighting will happen. The fact that we only fight once a week or less is pretty damn fantastic. I know married couples who have been together for years and fight more than that, some daily! We have more time pass without a fight/argument each week. 90% of the time things are AMAZING between us. That's what is most important. I don't like arguing or fighting with him, but that's just part of a relationship. One thing I've found is that I see his worst when we fight and he sees mine. Choosing to be with someone and love them after seeing that means so much more in my opinion. You are still deciding to be with them after seeing them at their ugliest. It is a much deeper love when you do that.
Our relationship is harder because it isn't a regular relationship. With our D/s dynamic it complicates things even more and creates the possibility for more arguments. We are trying to take it slow with the D/s stuff but there are a lot of things to figure out. I love him and I want to be with him. I believe it will work out long term. I don't think it will be easy. I don't think it will be all happy times. I'm feeling much more realistic today. We are going to fight and argue and things will be hard sometimes. But I feel he is worth it. I feel our relationship is worth it. So I am going to stick it out and see where it goes. He thanked me for putting up with him being angry yesterday. I understand we will both have bad days and sometimes need to vent. The fact that he said thank you and told me how much it meant to him helps a lot. We still need to feel loved and appreciated after.
It really sunk in over the last few days how adult this all is. I'm fucking adulting like crazy. I'm in an adult relationship with it's ups and downs, goods and bads. And I'm sticking it out. High five to me for doing so. It's a big deal because I am so good at bailing on things. But I look at him and I love him. When he hurts me (not in the kinky fun way) I may hate him at the moment, but I still love him. That's why I stick it out. I love him deeply. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. That requires sacrifice. It requires taking the bad with the good. Sometimes it will require me to be a punching bag emotionally. I am committing to him and our relationship knowing all that. This isn't a game where you feeling mushy feelings, giggle a lot, and fuck all the time without any conflict. This is real life. This is fights, and sometimes not having sex like rabbits, and sometimes having to do all the work, and putting someone else's needs first, and not giving up when it gets hard. This is real.
I went over last night to talk things out after our fight. We talked and mostly worked stuff out. I went to go get my munchkin and then we both went back and stayed the night. He needed to yell at me the first time I was there. I let him. When we went back we were being on best behavior around the kiddo. When we went to bed we talked for a while and then we got sexual. But not in the usual way. He kissed up and down my legs slowly. And then after a while he went down on me. And he kept going until I had cum from just his mouth a lot, I think I was at 6 or 7 when he stopped. I was completely high and unable to speak after. And when we had sex, it wasn't just sex. It was making love. It was passionate and more intimate. When I came the last time before he did, I did my best to keep my eyes open and he looked into my eyes when I did. And when he came inside me I got to see his face inches from mine as he did. It was intense. And incredible. And I've never experienced that before.
I don't do love much as it is, but having love feelings for the people I'm sleeping with is even more rare. And the sex actually feeling like making love has never happened. This was the first time I understood what making love was like. I've kinda loved people and our sex was just sex. This was different. I felt his love during it. We were connected. It moved my heart as well as my body. And this is part of why I love him. He is so many first for me. Things are so different with us. I love it and I deeply value it. This relationship means the world to me.
Tonight when I finish work we will head down to his place to spend the weekend with him again. This Saturday night we're going out for our one month anniversary. It's a big deal to me because we've made it past a lot of my relationships and because every milestone we hit is super meaningful. I can't wait for our night together a lone. After we go out to eat I don't know what he'll want to do. But I will leave that in his hands. I think that will be a night of giving him full control however he wants. I can't handle doing that every day, but I can do it for a night to make him happy. And I get happiness and pleasure from it as well. I think it will be an amazing night! I will write all about our weekend on Monday. Have a fantastic weekend everyone!
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