Today, I can come before this page and write something I have been trying to feel or maybe something I could spell out in words. There are many things in this world that bring us to places in our lives that take us to new heights, and sights we never expected to be. With a world that seems to continue in it’s loss of integrity, people fear the next day and we fight what we cannot see. Why? Not because we actually don’t understand the ending but because we see the inevitable. In this way, we find reason to deny the very presence of what we know to be truth.
This day has been one of no remarkable importance. Nothing more exciting than any other day. My husband got up and I made breakfast. We sat around the house for awhile just relaxing, then I decided we should go to the movies. The movie of choice ‘We Bought A Zoo’. Without hesitation, I can say it is a great movie and you should see it. It inspired me to think. Most of you know I think all to often, maybe way to often. I am not the kind of person to make really rash decisions, I plan and think things through. Some things probably don’t even need thinking but I am kind of a paranoid about examining all details of any decision.
As I watched the movie, I thought about this father’s decision and how it must have been tough on his family and him. Not just because of the circumstances bringing them to the place they went but also because it took courage. The kind of courage that we all undertake everyday. Each of us possess this courage because we wake up day to day and move forward. My husband and I made a decision, that in just about a month, will not only become a reality but also the biggest decision ever. You cannot take this decision back.
We will give birth to our first child. That responsibility is quite overwhelming and powerful. The decision to have a child, under any circumstances, is a huge one. A child is a gift. Some say a gift from God, some a gift we give ourselves, and others it’s just a given. I am not a parent entirely, yet, but I am sheltering, growing and already learning so much about what is about to happen. One of my favorite quotes is from a movie, ‘Mother means God in the eyes of a child’ (The Crow) That is a very distinctive fact. Our children, know nothing but what we teach them. At a certain point, we expose them to the world, and with what we teach them we pray they take paths that are right, honorable, and safe. Inevitably, our children will fall, they will make horrible decisions, and they are going to not know what to do. There will be days where we feel like we have failed them in some way. Truthfully, we all do fail them in some way but that is because we are human. It is not that we fail but that we continue to be there, that we seek the knowledge to do it right, and that we never give up hope.
The quote is saying just that. Our children don’t just see us as God but as all knowing, loving, and never giving up. That comes with a huge burden. A burden many parents, unfortunately, are not ready to take. We deny God but God gave us the perfect reason to believe in him. When Jesus Told his disciples ‘that he wished for them to be more like children’ it was not that he wanted them to revert and go back to childhood but that they would see how much they needed him. Children do not fear the unknown, they embrace it. Normally, you tell a child something and they might not understand it but still get excited. Then they see it, feel it, or listen to the details and are afraid. For example, you tell a child we are going to the amusement park, there are roller coasters and fun stuff to do there. Then you get there and they see the roller coaster and are scared. They hear people screaming and it continues to heighten their uneasiness. As the time goes on, you may be able to get them on the ride. At first, they may pull away, whimper, and whine. They get onto the ride and are panicking but the ride begins and still scared. The hope, by you making them go on, is that they can over come their fears and enjoy the ride.
For your child, that is the biggest fear or burden at that time. Then they are not scared of it and that weight they carried over the fear becomes nothing. As a parent, that fear never leaves your side. The moment you understand that you’re a parent and are about to take on a baby, things start running through your brain. What am I going to do? Am I ready? Where will I fail? What will I do right? Will they love me? And so many more questions, worries, and thoughts go through your mind. These thoughts and more go through my mind to. I’m not worried about being a mother. I know that I am going to make mistakes and I will probably not know what to do sometimes. The reason I am not worried is because I know a couple of things. One, that my parents wouldn’t be supporting me like they do if they thought I couldn’t handle the new life coming into my world. Two, that no matter if I mess up I will always do my best and am not afraid to figure things out, whether I have to ask or seek outside help.
I’m in my last month of pregnancy and at this point, most people are asking me if I am ready, if I want the baby out yet, and my favorite are you getting excited? The truth is this: I barely feel like I have been pregnant for that long, the baby in my belly has growth to do still and I want it to be ready before I worry about getting her out, and I have been excited all along, now it’s the anticipation that soon that excitement will become more of a reality. Am I ready? You can not prepare for a baby. You can never think enough about the challenges, changes, and have enough courage to do the job your about to go into. You may not like the word ‘job’ for raising a child but it is. We put more effort and time into our children then any other thing we do. At least, we should. Why? The reality is the best thing we will ever do is raise a child because it is the only thing that really outlasts us when the inevitable occurs.
So, what is the point? The point is this, we need to take the time with our children, be involved, and most importantly we need to see the little remarkable things that are happening right in front of our eyes. I have spent a ton of time with different types of parents. What I noticed is this: What separates good parents to bad ones is the time they put into them. If your to busy doing your own thing, your child will do their own thing. If your to busy working to spend time teaching and playing with your child, your child will not socialize as well and will not communicate with you well. When you push them to move and be better than everyone else, they will miss and you will miss all the special things that make your child who they are.
You cant have the perfect combination and I am not saying I have figured out the perfect fit. What I do know is that what we do with our children should be teaching us at the same time. We should always be amazed at them, and should always be involved with them. The ultimate reality is they will eventually grow up and go out on their own. What we do when they are young is going to have a major effect on them when they grow up and go out on their own. Which brings me back to, in about a month, I will be that parent who is trying to stay ahead of my baby. Trying to keep the house in order, get sleep, cook, and take care of that little child who needs me. It’s a responsibility I might not get right, at first or ever, but I am ready to fight to raise my baby in a way that is right and Godly. I want to be seen and known as a mother who didn’t give up and always kept learning about my child. |
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