I'm going to post here what I posted somewhere else and the reply that i got. most of you know what svetlana has done to me. well i vented about it today at livewire and here is what i said and then what i got in response. HE IS RIGHT OMG.
ME:
I had this girlfriend..I loved her with all of my heart and soul. And, she loved me. Well, we were together on and off for a few years and then finally I went to California to meet her..It was wonderful. She is so amazing and beautiful and lovely inside and out. She was everything that I could have hoped for. My search for love ended with her. She was my everything.
And, then when I was there she got drunk and hit me. Well the first time she was so sorry that she wouldnt even look at me the next morning and so of course I forgave her. But then alot of shit went down and she stranded me and ran off with some guy that shed only known for a few months. then the last night that I was there she broke my glasses..my phone fell apart. she beat the shit out of me and then ran off and tried to kill herself. well she talked to me after that and said that she loved me and hoped that I still loved her too. NO APOLOGY mind you.
but that was okay. shes my dream girll. my baby. my angel. I was willing to forgive all and have her back in my life. well she said finally that she would let me know when she was okay to talk. well she never called.
never txted. she prceeded to change her phone number and told everyone that she couldnt have me in her life. WITHOUGHT telling me, naturally. well after TWO MONTHS went by I finally did something horrible. shes 18. I called her school and told them that she was making death threats against another student. which she was.
and he admitted it. I then proceeded to call her work and tell them to go and look for a waterbottle filled with vodka. I don't think that she got in trouble with either it was a day before she graduated high school. but I know that it was wrong. I know that. but now..since then..she absoloultley refuses to speak to me, has blocked me on myspace and won't take my calls. now shes moved out of her parents house probably with that guy and his gf and their kid.
they are NOT good people. they are terrible people. and ive sent her one last message telling her that I will leave her alone if she can tell me how its okay for her to beat the crap out of me and then never speak to me again because of a phone call. am I crazy or does it seeem that I was the lesser wrong here? I LOVE her so so much. and she always used to ask me. 'why do you doubt me? why don't you trust my love for you? ' well I had a previous relationship that ended horribly and iw as afraid. but I finally let her have all of me and this is what happens and my god it hurts so bad.
I don't know what to do. I'm confused angry alone and hurt. I miss her so much. I don't know what to do. fuck it. .
HIS RESPONSE:
Wow, that's tough. And when I say that, I don't mean it in the way it is often said here. I mean I am actually sitting at my computer jaw-dropped in awe of how convoluted and terrible this situation is. A lot of people have a lot of relationship trouble on this site (it is a teen site after all) but I've never head about anything like this before. I'm so sorry that you're going through this.
I'm sorry that you found someone you were sure was right for you and now you can't have her. I'm sorry that you were hit. No one deserves to be someone else's punching bag...ever, for any reason. I'm sorry that she was so incapable of handling her own life that she had to end things with you in such an immature way. I'm sorry that you found yourself so hurt and angry that you felt the need to retaliate. I'm sorry that you the consequences of that are so hard to live with.
It sounds to me like things have been getting worse almost from the moment they started. You were on such a high when you were first together, before you went out to California. Since then, bad thing has piled on top of bad thing until you're at a place of hopelessness and confusion now. If you had come to LW when she first hit you, I would have told you that you needed desperately to get out. Abusive relationships almost never involve getting hit once and things being over. Even regular abusers often apologize after they hit their significant others. If you had come to LW when she ran off with that guy, I would have told you good riddance. After she devastated you physically and then emotionally, it was time to realize that no one deserves that kind of abuse. If you had come to LW when you were going to call her school and work, I would have told you that she wasn't worth it. Anyone who drives you to that kind of anger and hurt, that kind of desperation that cries out for retaliation, is unhealthy to be with. On the deepest levels.
But you're here now and I'm going to say what I would have said all along. Why would you put up with it? Do you hate yourself so much to think you deserve to be beaten, deserve to be abandoned, deserve to be ignored? Will you really let someone keep controlling your life who treats you like that? This is going to sound harsh, but have some self-respect. You are a human being and you deserve at least the most basic measure of dignity.
You said you are confused. You are alone and angry and hurt. What is the source of all of that negativity. It's this girl. She confused you. She hurt you, in many ways. She stirred up that anger and left you alone to pine after her. Well don't indulge her. Don't pine. Stop messaging her, stop chasing after her. She's absolutely not worth the effort. You deserve respect and dignity and happiness. If you want to get back at her, find a healthy relationship, the kind she may never be in, and live happily and healthily in it. That's the best thing to do with your life. Chasing after this girl will only cause you more hurt.
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