i am a horrible father, and i do not deserve my beautiful son.
i am thinking about killing myself. sometimes i sit in the living room with my revolver in my hand. and think about it. it's a little .32 ... it wouldn't make much of a mess. i think about it every day. every day i find a reason not to do it.
I know the feeling about wanting to kill yourself; I fight with myself everyday on whether to just kill myself and not be a burden on anyone anymore...I'm getting help, though, and on meds. You should seek help. It's not easy but your son and wife would miss you.
Hang in there...it's harder to live but could you honestly do that to everyone that loves you? That's sometimes the only reason I'm still here...I just can't do that to my husband. For now, at least.
No child is better off without a father or mother.
I am most positive that your wife loves you unconditionally and your son looks up to you as a person.
Maybe talking to a psychologist [or a person of the like] would help you sort out your feelings and help you find techniques to overcome the feelings that flood you every day.
Some places help out and offer free counseling.
Posting in this diary was a good step - at least you're letting people know how you are feeling, and maybe a Bloop member has been through this before and could help you figure out the best route to take in making the days easier.
I just know that even though I don't know who you are, my heart goes out to you.
Your child is going to learn from you whether you are a good parent or not. If you're a good parent, he will want to be like you. If you are a bad parent, he will learn to be nothing like you. But either way, he's learning. If you kill yourself, he will grow up wondering what you were like, and possibly resent you for making the choice to leave him. You'll be putting the burden on his shoulders of having a father that committed suicide, and widowing your wife, who I'm sure does not agree with you or she would have asked for a divorce. If you're not happy with your life, CHANGE it. Don't end it, because you don't get do-overs my friend.
I can think of one reason why you shouldn't EVER do it. Your son. He loves you and needs you. I am going to be harsh and say don't be stupid, you have a son who needs you. Think about everyone else. Think about who has to deal with the aftermath, who will have to tell your son! How do you explain to a child that one of their parents has killed themselves? Don't be so selfish. I have been down the suicide route and now I have my son, I wouldn't dream of it. As the above poster says, don't do it, you don't get do overs. Go get some help, it is widely available, use it. Don't like your life? Change it. There is many ways to improve life but only you can do it.
Obviously I don't know the particulars... but the heartache your child would feel knowing that his dad would sooner kill himself than spend all his living days with him.. will be more heartache than you can have already given him. Being a parent is one big guilt trip, we don't think we're ever good enough for our children... but you'd be surprised how much love they have for us, from the simplest of things like playing and cuddling. I hope you don't follow through. There is so much time left to change things and make things better...
can i just say as someone who's father took his own life.. Their not going to care if YOU think you are horrible, IF and when you do it - they will never get over it, the questions and quilt (no matter how horrible you might possibly be) never end or get better...
A very major factor is family members who have committed suicide. If a girl's biological parent has committed suicide, she is 4-5 times as likely to make a suicide attempt. If a girl's sibling has committed suicide, she is 11 times more likely to try to kill herself. for every 300 suicide attempts, there is one completed suicide
I dont know if you are in the US or not.. but roughly 92 people a day take their own life... dont add to that please
I know a little boy who was only 3 when his father killed his mother, and then himself. Every time I see him I think about how sad it is that he will never know who his parents are and has to grow up without them.
It's pretty selfish of you to want to kill yourself. Your son doesn't deserve that. Get help.
No child should grow up without a father. The best thing you can do for your child is to better yourself and be the best man you can be, that includes getting help for your suicidal thoughts. Don't destroy your sons life by taking your own.
I remember those feelings. It's so awful to feel so alone and miserable. But I knew that as soon as I became a mother, suicide was out of the question. Children need their parents. And a child with a parent who commits suicide is more likely to suffer depression as an adult. So there's no way I'd do that to my child.
I have a nephew whose father killed himself. My brother in law took the easy way out; now there is a little boy who will never be the same again.
What did you do that makes you a horrible father? Just being there makes you better than so many people, if you feel you aren't up to being a father then find a support group and get help for that - but personally, I think if you take an interest in your child and you help them grow up, you're doing a good job.
What we perceive of ourselves and what others perceive of us are often very different things.
In other words, you may think you're a terrible father, but I am sure that your wife and son love you more than anything else in this world, as sure as I am that you love them too. So why would you want to leave them?
You have a whole life ahead of you with a young and growing family - you should be there to watch it change and flourish over the years ahead. =)
My father took his life when I was 16 our relationship was bad to the point I called the cops on him but ya know what almost 10 years later I miss him and rather have a "horrible father" the no father at all.And altho" it wouldn't make much of a mess" it will and nothing will be able to clean it for you son.
If u killed urself u will be a horriable father for leaving him - my moms husband killed himself n left us it has been 20 yrs im still mot over it I remembered that day n im mad at him for it
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I can think of one reason why you shouldn't EVER do it. Your son. He loves you and needs you. I am going to be harsh and say don't be stupid, you have a son who needs you. Think about everyone else. Think about who has to deal with the aftermath, who will have to tell your son! How do you explain to a child that one of their parents has killed themselves? Don't be so selfish. I have been down the suicide route and now I have my son, I wouldn't dream of it. As the above poster says, don't do it, you don't get do overs. Go get some help, it is widely available, use it. Don't like your life? Change it. There is many ways to improve life but only you can do it.
this is awful
My father took his life when I was 16 our relationship was bad to the point I called the cops on him but ya know what almost 10 years later I miss him and rather have a "horrible father" the no father at all.And altho" it wouldn't make much of a mess" it will and nothing will be able to clean it for you son.