So... Last Thursday I started my period. I didn't have it for probably 2 months. I wasn't feeling the greatest. I was a little dizzy, but it wasn't that bad. Well yesterday and Sunday I've kind of felt like I'm on a boat again. Mostly when I walk, though. I'm hoping it's because of my period and getting over it and it'll be out of my system soon. I don't need to go through this again.
But it probably doesn't help that I'm stressing over Mark. Ever since I mentioned going to that football game for his birthday he's become VERY distant. And now he's not talking to me. I'm assuming that's his problem this time, but I don't know. He did this same shit last year. Except he just stopped talking to me for no reason.
The last time this happened I finally accepted it after a few months and was moving on with my life. Then he came back and I didn't know what to think or do. I was so frustrated and upset, but so fucking happy. And now he's doing it again... What am I supposed to do when he comes back again, even if he does this time?
He's 31 and sometimes I feel like he acts so immature. Just tell me what the fucking deal is! The last time it was because he wasn't sure about 'us'. But there never was an 'us', just like this time! I don't understand how he can say the things he says, and then act like I don't even exist. God forbid he actually TALK to me, though. Any time I've ever brought up anything serious he shuts down.
A few years ago when I asked him to go to Vegas he said he didn't want to because he was afraid of what would happen when we had to go our separate ways. I told him it was bullshit that he didn't want to take the risk and find out. How do you know what will happen if you don't even try? I thought that would've been the breaking point, but instead it's this other stupid shit. If you don't want to go to the fucking game, just tell me, don't fucking ignore me!
We've "known" each other for 7 years and this is how I get treated? I want to tell him to go fuck himself and that he's being a huge asshole, but a part of me still wants him so bad.......
And I'm stuck on the other side waiting for him to talk to me. Hoping that he misses me like I miss him. Praying to God (but always apologizing) to have him come back into my life.
And I don't even have anyone to talk to about this because no one would understand.
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