.....Food stamps. woot. :] Went to the apartment today and took a table and chairs over, and caleb's plastic picnic table looking thing over. That's the only things that are in there  I'm still nervous to get moved, only b/c I don't have a car. Buuut.. I asked Shane about it. He hasn't talked to me about it yet, he and mom are having problems. As Mike says.. when it rains, it pours.. very true.
Speaking of Mike... he's been trying to help me, be a good friend, etc. I wasnt dreading seeing him you know? But then yesterday I asked him where he put something that he brought over, and he didn't want to tell me. He's like maybe I just don't want to help you anymore. Then he's saying that part of him wants to help me to see me get back on my feet, and give money for caleb, etc. B/c he cares. The other part wants to help because he STILL thinks if he helps enough, i'll come back to him. And b/c he's still sooo in love with me. I can't help it man, my feelings are gone. Then he's like well you want someone who's loving, caring, sweet, understanding, etc etc. I'm that. and you know it. So why aren't you coming back to me. UGH. I DO want someone that's all of that, but it's just not Mike. I love him still b/c he's Caleb's dad and we had fun back in the day, and it COULD be the same way again but I can't make feelings come back that have been gone for a long time ya know. Plus he's seeing this girl named Jen. She knows the situation with him loving me still and she doesn't like it. I'm like.. MIKE! STAY WITH THIS GIRL. She's in love with you so just give her a chance. He's like I caaaan't, i'm in love with you. I'm not tho. I hope he sticks with her... I know if they stopped talking, he'd be all over me again and honestly I don't need that ya know.
He also wanted me to move in with him and help me out ie- using his car whenever I needed it, have a rent-free place to live, etc. I told him no. His feelings would get in the way and it would make it MUCH more complicated. I can't do it. He's in Florence, btw. I'm in Russellville.. they're about 30 mins apart. He's like well i'm tired of not seeing my son. That sucks, and i'm making it to where I will get a job, a very low rent place, save up money to get a place/job in florence. But with the way my mom and Shane are doing (very bad, mom's having to find a place too  ), it's just rough. I HAVE to be there for my mother. She comes before Mike, even if Mike is Caleb's dad. Is that bad? Eh. I dunno. anyway I just wanted to write that I got food stamps, and this turned into a very long entry. hahha. well there ya go! I shall update later :] |
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