It just seems the more I try to stay afloat, the more I fall down and sink. I'm not sure what my deal is but I am really struggling these past few days. I have an amazing job even got a promotion and raise. A great family, awesome friends and a super loving and supportive boyfriend. I have everything that a person could want and yet but I am still feeling this way.
I am hoping that it's just me being overtired and stressed because of work and the changes in my life. But I'm not sure. I just suddenly feel like everything I do is just not good enough. No one has said or done anything towards me for me to feel this way. It's all me.
After work, I spent some time with Dave. We did some window shopping and his friend or enemy Max called my cell phone. Just so you know this friend of his has been causing massive drama between the two of them and somehow I'm in the middle. It wouldn't make that much of a difference except that they both individually told me such awful things about one another. Max even was calling me at all hours of the night which resulted in me not getting any sleep last night. So today I was dragging through work and just feeling like an utter piece of trash. What I told Dave about it, he told me that he would take care. I told him it was no big deal because honestly it wasn't. But then hearing them talk on the cell phone like none of the drama, the hurtful words were exchanged or keeping me awake all night about this had ever happened. When it first happened I was not angry but just perplexed. After the phone call was over, Dave and I went out to dinner and then came back to my place. But I was really off.
I guess the phone call that more to me than I thought. It's just that I don't understand. Dave allegedly accuses Max of abusing his wife and child while Max is telling everyone that Dave did his wife. There is so much more drama and hurtful words that were exchanged between them. And they are acting like nothing ever happened at all.
After I took Dave home I had some time to think and was not paying attention to who was outside my door when I was walking up the stairs to my place. Naturally it was Charles, and we got into it like we normally do except this time he got physical yet again the cops were called and he fled the scene. He couldn't believe that I would call the cops on him. I did just because I'm tired of all of bullshit.
Between Charles either being at my door at all hours of the night or calling me all night off the hook or having Max call all hours of the night I am so tired. I know that Dave cannot control Charles or even Max for that matter. But he did not even say one word to Max about calling me all night so much that I didn't get any sleep. I logically know that he cares but emotionally it just doesn't feel like it. Maybe it's just me being weird but if one of my friends or even enemies was calling Dave off the hook so much that it was affecting asleep and I saw the damage it was doing to him I know that I would say something or do something. I think that I am just rambling and not making any sense.
It's been a long day and now night dealing with everything. I know that I should talk to Dave about this but I first want to calm down a bit, get some sleep and see how I feel morning because right now if I were to say anything to him it just would not be a good scene and I love him and care about him too much to hurt him with angry words that can be avoided.
He knows that something is wrong with me and even asked me about it but I just didn't answer with the real problem was because I didn't want my anger to control me. I wanna be able to think straight and talk calmly with him about this and that would not have happened tonight. I'm just hoping that some sleep that tomorrow I will feel better about everything and not be so angry. Only time will tell I suppose.
Loading...
