Entry title purely because the song is going round in my head.
Not sure when I last wrote. I feel miserable...this is my fourth day off work and I'm almost glad to be going back tomorrow even though I hate it. I keep crying all the time for no particular reason. Just so many things on my mind, most of which are out of my control...work, Christmas, finding a new job, losing weight, trying to be a better person (ok so those are in my control).
I dislike the way my brain is always coming up with stupid ways to hurt myself...and having a large collection of sharp medical scalpels doesn't really help. They are for my crafting though.
Mostly I'm terrified my relationship is falling apart. We had a long talk the other night where she expressed all the things I'm doing wrong. I know I needed to hear it, but it's still not nice when someone says that feel more like your mother than your partner! I've tried so hard to be a better person. I don't know if it's working.
I don't know what to do today. All I know is I don't want to stay here again. |
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