Usually, homosexuality is talked about so little that I forget I live in a very homophobic area. So when the "issue" arises suddenly and without warning, I get angry quickly. Since I am in the closet, everyone sees me as a confidently straight male who they can talk to about all their bigot things.
Today, a kid in my class named Ricky was fucking angry. Why? Well, his sister hugged a bisexual (or maybe just lesbian) girl. This little dumbass is so homophobic, I think he sees it as contagious. So he doesn't want his sister to do anything near the poor girl. Uhg!
So he is spewing this utter shit in my fourth period class, Driver's Ed./PE 10. This is my worst class since I am usually with advanced students. In this class, though, it is everyone mixed together. No one is smart in that class. No. One. I hate it. So they all CONSOLE Ricky. WHAT. THE. FUCK?! They then start talking about "those god-damned fags and dykes."
Holy. Shit. Someone take me away.
I really felt so angry and terrible and helpless. I felt like I should do something. I was very tempted to stand up and say "Shut the fuck up, I'm gay, you idiots." I didn't, though. And I sorta regret it. I want to come out in some dramatic way where everyone gossips about it and wishes they were in the room, etc. etc. I'm such an attention whore.
What pisses me off is that all these guys that are going on about fags, queers, and such always act so gay in gym class! They slap asses, jump on backs, tackle with too much groping, and so on. Is this some weird heterosexual ritual of not acting your orientation? I am always so confused in that class.
Uhg, another thing that pissed me off today was my "best" friend. The term is loose because in actuality I don't think we get along too well. Sometimes he's funny and we're awesome, but generally he is too stereotypically-Christian, sheltered-by-parents, short-sighted, shallow-minded, and immature to be fun to be with. Today I was talking about two of the black gay kids at school. The interesting thing about being black and gay in the South for them is that at any point a redneck might bust in a room and shoot them down. (Slight sarcasm, but sadly, maybe it isn't too far-fetched.) Anyway, I heard that one of them had a boyfriend. See, I hadn't heard anything that defined them as actually gay. Just the stereotypical signs (newsflash: gaydar is a myth. Believe me, I wish it wasn't) that could mean they were metro-sexual. Anyway, one of them, Damion, said something the other day that confirmed he was gay*. The other one, Bryson, was confirmed today when I found out he had a boyfriend. Good for him.
Then my "best" friend decided to tell me that he heard Bryson wears bras. Come the fuck on. Cross-dressing, drag, and transvestism are not related to homosexuality. I wanted to punch him in the face. (On a side note, no, Bryson does not wear bras or any other girl clothes. He does wear plunging v-neck tees though. He, erm, doesn't pull them off. )
Whatever.
Today was not awesome.
*In Honors English one day this radical Christian idiot was spluttering shit about Christianity that Christians don't actually believe. Well, when this one kid no one really likes, Aubrey (male), was leaving, he was saying things about homosexuality. He said, "I don't care about gay guys as long as they don't try anything on me!" Damion asked him what he said. (You know, "What did you just say?" in a gay voice.) Aubrey, like the dumbass he is, repeated himself. Damion said, I swear on my life, "Psht, shoot. You ain't got NOTHIN' to worry 'bout." I laughed my ass off for five minutes. |
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