strike
Ok, so Sumamen (I think that's how she's got it) inspired me to write this. Lately I've felt a hopelessness that I can't seem to get rid of. We are so behind on bills (you've no idea, believe me), my husband makes no money though he keeps working with his brother since he lost his other job due to the economy and it's frustrating, and I really feel like I've gone into a depression. I'm scared of eviction, our electric will probably get cut off, our phone just got cut off and I'm lost. I would love to get a job but even if I had a way, who's hiring? I have no qualifications for anything so that leaves fast food and department stores primarily and they aren't hiring. I just don't know what to do. I haven't been motivated to even clean this week mainly because of the rain. It's like what's the point? I can't wash and hang clothes because of it. People will come in and drag mud through the place because they have no respect. I just wanna cry. I wanna lay in bed and cry. I feel like I can't do it anymore. My kids come home with stories of how this kid did this and this kid did that. I don't know what to do. How can I protect him? Yesterday they were at lunch and he said something to this kid next him about him stealing all the time. As William took a bite of food the kid hit the end of spoon ramming it in his mouth. He was lucky that it wasn't shoved down his throat or stabbing the back of his throat. He told his teacher when they got back to class and all he said was that he should have told the lunch ladies. Maybe so but he didn't and he's telling him and he has the authority to do something about it. I have to go to school today so I'm seriously thinking about saying something. I have problems with one neighbor and with another neighbors kids. It's harder to ignore than I thought. You just want to throttle them. I can't afford a new inhaler so what am I to do? I'm lost. I'm alone. Jeff won't talk about it. He thinks everything will just "work out". Our landlord told us the last time he was here that if we didn't get back to paying that he wasn't coming back to tell us we just needed to move out. It's pretty serious this time and Jeff doesn't get it. Every week I say we need to take him something...anything...and he says yeah, I know. But come time when he gets paid we have nothing. He continuously borrows money off his mom through the week and we have to pay that back, plus he's got his childsupport. The borrowed money always seems twice what I think it should be but it's because he's getting a couple of bucks here and there for lunch or cigs or whatever and then when he borrows money in the evening for us to get gas, cigs, and drinks it's always more than what he brings home. I just found out that he renewed his cell phone which was only 10 bucks but he didn't tell me and that's how this adds up. He doesn't make wise choices. More often than not I sit and daydream about how if I were on my own this wouldn't happen. I would be in control of the money. I understand working all week and not seeing any money for it cause it all gets paid out. But that's life, y'know? This is what I deal with. It's not my money so what say do I have? Even if he says that's a good idea he always has a "better" one or just plain doesn't listen. -screams screams screams- omg, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DOOOOO? I'm gone. | |
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i'm not qualified to do anything either and i just can't bring myself to work at a stinkin greasy fast food joint. not having money is no fun esp when you're having to scramble to pay rent and bills. i don't wanna be offensive or anything i'm just pointing this out... beer and cigs aren't exactly NEEDED items. all the money spent here and there on those things adds up and you could probably pay a bill or something with it. *shrug* anyway move here we can do crafts and ignore life together