Entry Four So, I’ve decided to say to hell with the under cover names, it’s hindering my love for Twilight, lol. So from now on, I’ll just use initials. There’s so much I want to write but when I have time, it’s hard to get it out… the thoughts are safer left in my head and I’m afraid that once I let them out I won’t be able to stop them.
I went to a few forums about what I’m dealing with… all of them said she was married to the wrong person or there was something missing from the marriage to make her feel that way…. But there is nothing missing from my marriage. I love my husband, I miss him when he’s gone, I want to be held by him every night, I love making love to him, and it’s ALWAYS him, I don’t fantasize about D ever when I’m with my husband.
The other option is a little more….true? Frightening? S brought home some booklets about mental issues, one being OCD’s… Apparently it includes having unwanted thoughts that you can’t get rid of… *Cue “ding ding ding” music* I’m not sure what I’m going to do with this new found information.
I seen D on Thursday… S and I went to pick our son up from school and there he was… It’s weird and disgusting but when I seen his car, my heart lurched into my throat… It was the first time I’ve seen him since realizing I love him, and those words still screamed in my mind, not as bad this time, but enough to make me hate it.
And on that note… I think D might be avoiding me? Weird thing to say since we haven’t spoken in years… But on Thursday, he parked farther away that he has in the past and didn’t go into the school until after the kids go out of class, which the past 2 times we’ve ran into him there, he’s been parked closer to where I park and went in earlier, but he seen S walking up to the school… and S told me that he talks to him when they are in the school together… Never about me, just about things in general. Then tonight I SWORE I seen his care pull into Wal-Mart as I was walking in, then about 5 mins later I seen the same car leave… ?? Orrrrrrrrrrrrrrr it could just all be in my head and I’m creating these things…
Who knows… I don’t… My brain is so fudged up, I wish it would all just go away. >.<
|
Loading...
