Sucess!

03/08/2009

So I got over a few fears this weekend and realized a few new ones (crappen!)
I was well scared of even setting foot in the skatepark, because I knew people would laugh at me. But there was no one there and it was nice and dark so nobody saw my feeble attempts at skating. Having said that, I might be getting a little better. I dropped the 2 foot! I felt so proud of myself after that. I can't wait to learn more skating!
And I was also scared about dressing up in front of Jimmy. I dunno I thought I'd feel really silly or something, but he seemed to be ok with it after all. I guess you need even more confidence than I first thought to get away with thoise little costumes they doin anne summers, cos u have to act the part as well. Sigh.
And I decided I am scared, or perhaps I'm generaly uncomfortable with being the dominant one. I dunno. I guess i just dunno what to do *shrug* I need lessons >.<
We got rained on, that was fun ha ha. I love that smell you get when the rain hits the mud. And then we had to curl up and get warm again and snuggle, I guess mother nature isnt totally evil ^^
Had a scary dream yesterday, am going to translate it . . .

So saturday night I dreamt that I was in the bath, and the door opened and somehow my dad had got into the house. He brst into the bathroom, naked and tried to get in next to me. He was going to rape me, I could just tell. He said he was going to and I replied "I'm too old for the likes of you!"
And then my body kind of split, and there were two of me. One in the bath struggling to get free of my dad, and the one I really was, fully clothed, trying to help the other me out of the bath. I pulled me free, wrapped her in a towel and guided her out of the room. But as we were leaving my dad pulled out this box with a plug and some wires in, and I knew we had to leave fast cos something bad was going to happen. I didn't go fast enough, and we were only at the stairs when the sound and screams of him electrocuting himself to death reached our ears. It was bloody awful. You can't even imagine how aful it really was. It was so real!
Then I woke up gasping for breath, feeling sick, but it was ok cos Jimmy's arms were tight around me. I thought a dream that bad had to mean something . . .

Father = I need to be more self reliant, proceed with caution in business. And the worst damn bit, apparently hitting him means a desperate need for closeness with him. Fuck that shit.

Bath = Escaping from problems, the persuit of pleasure, washing away a difficult time

Rape = something is destroying my self esteem

Electrocution = The current course of my actions will lead to disaster or death. I ned to be more aware of my surroundings and the people that surround me.

Suicide (of someone else) = I'm trying to 'kill' attribultes in me which that person also has. And I hope I'm not like that person.

Well that just about sums it up really.