So... I dont know why I'm making a diary again.. b/c I worry I wont keep it up again..
but here goes...
So, I am scheduled to be married on June 13th 2009, almost two months away
I am not excited
I should be excited
but I am not
I mean, I love Isaac, I really really do
he is a great guy
but....
we just have nothing in common, he is a chemist, I am a horseback riding instructor and Naturalist, really, what do we have in common, I LOVE nature and the birds, and creatures... ect.. and well, Isaac, while he likes those things, dosnt love them like I do and he dosnt get excited like I do, I just want us to be able to share exciting things together...
and the sex......
ok, wait...
there is no sex......
I mean, he always has some kind of excuse, i would at LEAST liek to have sex once a week, but he thinks that is an unrealistic expectation.. at this point, today I dont think we have had sex for at least a month and a half, if not two months... we didnt even have valentines day sex OR birthday sex, I mean, HONESTLY
I just tried to have a relationship conversation with him b/c lately I have been trying to be more romatic with him like leaving him little notes, or emails just to break up the day or whatever...
and when I asked him if he got my email today he said, yeah..
and I said, you didnt even send one back, he couldnt even hit reply and type "I love you", I mean, seriously...
and I left him a note when I went away last month for a few days, and we used to leave notes in each other's luggage if the other one of us went away, and he didnt do that either.
I donno.. I feel like I'm being bitchy, but I really need more from our relationship
I mean, he does make me dinners, and he does support me mostly when I need it
and he is paying for our wedding/honeymoon
I feel so selfish, but I just need more
I'm worried that I'm going to have to look elsewhere for sex...
and part of me wants to tell him that, b/c I think it might make him wake up a bit, but the other part of me dosnt want to hurt him, but it IS the reality.... and I DO think about having a "trist" or whatever, I mean, there are lots of guys on craigslist afterall.....
I just dont want to be in a dead end relationship in 5 years... he just isnt trying, and I dont think he understands that you have to try in a relationship, you cant just let it be stagnant...
I just see those girls on the wedding shows and they are SO excited about getting married, and I'm not.
So, I gues the question, if anyone actually reads this is... have you been married, have you had the same fears before getting married, or was your relationsip always super fun and exciting, and you never had issues....
I'm scared to get married... I'm scared to break up, in one way I'm settling, but honestly, isnt it just ok to settle and not REALLY be happy ... I mean, I'm kind of happy most of the time... maybe I'm becomming depressed...
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