02.

08/23/2013

Currently listening to: Beauty School by the Deftones <3 <3 Get Lucky - Daft Punk
Wearing: Pj's
Hair did: in a rats nest bun!!
Eating: Fuck food, I'm too nauseated!!
Thinking: God, I miss that sweet face in Colorado right now <3
Loving: Life, this song, my friends and family. I'm fucking blessed <3
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Last night I was having a shitty stressful day, and low and behold Alicia called and was like 'Get dressed, come over and swim and have wine with me!" I was like, "Okay, I'm packing my shit right now!" LOL! 10 minutes later she pulls up and it felt like a heist or something and I jump in the backseat and we fly out of there and start gossiping right away like old hens! LOL

So we get here and I'm already texting J the whole time and Alicia is already getting naked in the kitchen getting suit on, I'm so used to it and just laughing. This girl is crazy but she has a fucking heart of gold and a single mamma. She's strong and an amazing woman! Anyways, I'm already changed into mine and I start telling her about shit I had going on and I love talking to this girl, she's been through the shit I have and knows what I'm feeling and going through. It's just theraputic to talk to her and we always laugh so much. Love this girl. I think I'm blessed to have the friends I have. Talking to Jenn aka my Peanut every night has also been my sole comfort. We cry together and talk about girl forts, and cry some more because we've been through some heartache together. I remember when Neal and I split and all I did was text her telling her how much shit hurt, how I wanted her or him to just shoot me now. I remember crying so hard begging for it, the pain of that was unbearable. And all I remember was her saying "Nope, I can't do that. I need you <3." and I bawled even more but only because it was exactly what I needed, my best friend saying I need you. I love that girl.

In other news, my aunt has been staying with us since my uncle passed, It's been really hard and stressful, my mom has been teaching me a lot about wound care and such since she was a nurse and is now retired. My aunt has a wound on her foot that won't heal and being a diabetic, that just is bad! She's already had her toe removed and a piece of her foot...The Dr's keep trying to amputate that leg or half of it. I dread that for her and it breaks my heart and we are cleaning and changing her bandages 2x a day. I make her food constantly and my mom does her laundry. It's a huge task taking care of her, it get's to be heavy many times and hard because I have so much shit going on and starting school soon and studying like a mother fucker. Blah!!!!! :/

I made a comment to my mom and it really upset her, I didn't mean to, I told her that my aunt is a disabled woman, my parents are in their 60's and my sister has MS and I have Endometriosis and I never know what my days will be like. It's just hard and she's becoming incontinent and has already soiled my favorite chair that was my grandmothers. I went to sit in it and I squealed it was soaked and jumped up and thinking it was water leaking from our roof, that just kinda fell in all of a sudden on the other side of the livingroom!!!! I started looking up at the ceiling and my mom rushes over and says "wait, let me see that." She smells and it's urine. Fuck man! It's bad because i get annoyed/frustrated. She sits there and says she has to go to the bathroom, She'll sit there a few minutes and I know her stance when she's trying or about to get up and we all ask if she needs help getting up, she says "No, I'm fine." And then she never get's up. She's a diabetic they piss like fucking race horses :/.

So the living room, There was a tiny bubble the size of a quarter, We already had called the insurance company about it and while my dad was sleeping on the couch about 6feet of sheet rock and ceiling fell in and you see insulation hanging down and fucking mold everywhere!!!! It's so unhealthy and so they're supposed to come out today to see how much damages will be, and theres a part of our roof outside that started to sag too. Mind you we had our roof repaired so it's an inside problem inside the roof/attic. Also, the outside eave that is sagging and damaged is from the fucking Hurricanes we've been dealt with. Rita and Ike really did it. Fuck you Ike, you devil ass bastard!!!! > I hate fucking hurricanes and the crazy ass Gulf coast weather. It's been goodso far this yr, but watch, Right when I go to Colorado in September a fucking hurricane is going to blow through. I so hope not!

Anyways, Neal and I try to not talk to each other because we fight and get nasty at each other. I let him take Roxy, my sweet girl They bonded and it's been his only source of comfort which is good for him. I really hate saying anything nice about the fucking bastard but that's it.

So talking to E the other night, he was telling me he's expecting his first baby with Leah. Fuck, everyone is having babies, man! He was beyond excited and he's actually going to be the stay at home Dad while Leah works. I guess whatever works. Me personally I love to work so I'd want to work, too. But some might not agree with this. I guess that's me being hard headed and loving to work. :/ I have to stay busy like that or I go crazy! But my getting pregnant is practically impossible since my Endo is so bad. It's not like I Can't, it's just fucking hard! Oh and you need sex for that and I haven't had sex in so long I'm like a virgin again haha!

I have a lot planned this yr. Colorado ♥, Oregon to see my Jenn♥ Hunting trip to the cabin, fuck yeah Deer season, but I'll be hog hunting with my Dad while the boys hunt deer....I was going to England but that shit is still up in the air. Susan wants to go but we'll see now. :/ Oh and the ALL girls only trip the cabin with my cousins and sisters and Alicia! So excited!!!! ♥

Anyhoots, I've got to cut this short, I've rambled and updated enough for now. TTYL ♥