05

09/15/2013

Staring a page I can't seem to focus on. I'd like to get in my truck and just drive. Roll the windows down and turn the radio on to some old country. I walked in my moms room and my wedding song was on blast. Tears welled up and I ran out, talking loudly to the dogs hoping their barking would cloud that sound. I miss a time when I was happy and content, complete and in wanting because I had it all. In the end I never had it all, I was never complete and ended up numb. My face and soul an empty shell of the human I once was. I haven't been on this road in a very long time, everything is a growing process. I'm learning about me all over again, but this time I'm not a child anymore, I'm a woman and yet inside I feel childlike, like a little girl. I count my chickens before they hatch and love so passionately....

Tonight I want to cry, I've turned my phone off and said to hell with them all. I don't know why I have this thing at all when I function much better without it. One day.

Time heals or at least numbs all wounds.....I wish it would just fucking get it over with already. Next time before I leap I hope I remember to measure the fall.