If you've seen any of my previous entries, then I'm sure you've seen a picture or read about my cat, Milkshakes.
Well, he died, today, July 18th, sometime around 5. I saw him as I was leaving the house to go to work, lying on the side walk, looking much like he was sleeping, though in a place he never would. I cried for two hours straight, something I know a lot of people would never understand.
Since the day that I adopted him, I knew, no since the first time I looked at him I've always known that milkshakes was my cat. We had such an immediate connection on so many levels and were as close as a human and a cat could possibly be. Some part of me always saw him as more a human, with the independancy of a feline. But he was an outdoor cat, always was. I remember his vet bills up until i got him fixed for all the fights he would get into because he couldn't control his feral habits, and when it got to be too much, when he was coming home with three gushing wounds in the span of two weeks, I decided to take a step at calming down. The most he's come home with were dead animals, which I've always praised him for. I saw on animal planet once that if you a punish a pet for bringing home a dead animal, it can give them a complex as it's believed to be a gift. And he's brought home so many, so if this is true, then I'm very glad.
I've defended my cat from the worst, like his mood swings, where he would poop on the floor, under my assumption to get attention, like when my mom went to the hospital and he would be left alone downstairs cause i would lock my door at night. And when Derek hated him cause he thought he was nothing but trouble. And when my dad just wanted to be rid of him. And i've loved him through the best, like when he tore up my package of powdered donuts and ate them all in a span of twenty minutes, or when he would always crawl into bed with me after derek and I had an argument. But there are no words to explain the small portion of emptiness that i have in me right now, the feeling that somethings missing, the absolute wish that this is just a bad dream and I'll wake up tomorrow, walk into the kitchen and have him greet me with the loudmouthed mewl of his. He was mine. With every fiber of my being, i had claimed that cat emotionally; he was the most i've ever had in a pet, the most I could ever hope to have had, and there's no way in the future that i will ever find a cat as good to me as he was. I'm so upset about this whole situation that i can't even sleep, everytime I lay down, I remember seeing him there with blood on his teeth and in his mouth, I remember how derek told me he was still warm when he went to bury him...little facts that make me sick to my stomach with the thought of how someone could do something like this? How could someone destroy a young girls heart by hitting their pet, their connection with the animal kingdom, their solace, and their love? How could someone do something like that and then just leave him lying there as if he were nothing so important? He may have just been a cat to someone else, but he was so much more than that to me. I raised him as if he were a part of me, and now that part of me is gone, and I know there's no way to get it back...
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