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Learn to love yourself
by raen

previous entry: Squat Challenges and Gym Buddies

next entry: Yeah....

Seasonal Depression

01/17/2019

I just want to say that while I don't suffer from seasonal depession, I can clearly see and feel its effects. Chris is experiencing it right now. And while I get that he isn't doing any of this on purpose, I feel like I am a huge inconvenience to him. He barely acknowledges my existence, and when he does talk to me, his tone implies that he's speaking to a stranger and not his girlfriend. Again, I know he isn't doing this on purpose, but I have my limits to how much I can take. And when I say "I love you" responding with "That's silly" or just not even acknowledging it at all is where my limit hits. I am not a crier. It's not a thing I do very often unless I am in emotional distress. Even then, it has to be pretty extreme. 

 

Three times. Three times since yesterday that I have cried. And I cried because he is hurting me. He's hurting me without realizing it, and I can't really be mad at someone who is already suffering. It seems selfish to be hurt by his behaviour when he isn't even right in the head currently. So, I keep it to myself, keep my mind busy, or I just think about things that aren't true. My mind has been playing nasty tricks on me, telling me that I must have done something wrong for him to be treating me this way. My mind keeps telling me that he doesn't love me anymore and that at any moment he's going to tell me it's over. And my heart will completely shatter. I will be broken. But, for those who know me, I'm strong. I could start over new again. And has he has pointed out int he past, I'm confident and strong, and I can do whatever I put my mind to. But I don't want to. I've found my person, and he's suffering. I want to help him. 

 

He's going away to work on music tomorrow, and wont be back until Sunday. I'm hoping this will help him shake things up. I don't know if I should just leave him alone and not text him while he's away. I don't know what's happening anymore. I'm just hurt and he can't see me right now. He can't see anything. I wish I could help him....

previous entry: Squat Challenges and Gym Buddies

next entry: Yeah....

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Here's the thing about seasonal affective disorder, or any depression, really: it doesn't give someone the right to be a dickhead to you.
Both my SO and I have depression, and anxiety. I also suffer from SAD, and it makes everything so. much. worse.
However, I do my best to not take it out on him, by communicating to him that my mental illness is causing me to have a bad day, and I am going to extricate myself from whatever situation we're in so I don't hurt him. He's gotten better about doing the same, but he still hurts me sometimes.
While he's gone, don't text/call first unless something is wrong. Spend the next few days just taking care of you. Take a hot bath, drink a glass of wine, read a book, or watch a tv show/movie that he's not into. If you have friends you want to catch up with, go see them, or Skype with them. Do the stuff that you want to do, and try not to pay him any mind.
If he does text or call you, of course respond to him, but keep it somewhat limited.
Kyle, once a month, spends two days at the local library at a LAN party. Day one is actually tomorrow. That whole time he's gone, I'm focusing on me, and what I want to do, or what I need to do.
Take that time for yourself, you deserve it. Also, I'm here if you need to vent.

[Oprah Noodlemantra|0 likes] [|reply]

I do want to say that I think this has happened in your relationship before, hasn't it? And now you're living together, and still in love, and perhaps more in love, and your personalities mesh, and you normally support one another. Maybe he's comfortable and doesn't feel like he needs to overwrite his depression because he knows you love him, and he knows you know he loves you.

You help him by being someone he knows he'll be able to come back to when his mind comes out of the fog. You are strong, you could manage, but I don't think you'll need to. You know you've found your person, and I think he's found his, too.

You got this.

[Supersword|0 likes] [|reply]

This hasn't happened in this relationship at all before. I'm not sure I've experienced this at all with any past relationship either. Maybe you're thinking of someone else? Anyway, the weekend away seems to be working out for him so far. We were texting back and forth almost normally last night. He opened up a bit with how he was feeling. And then the power went out here and I had to bundle up Eve in her tank and try to stay warm in -32 weather.

Today at least I have power. I can't leave the house, though, to go to work. I had to text my boss and warn him I was trapped at home. He's somehow going to attempt to get to work. Meanwhile, my road isn't even plowed.

[raen|0 likes] [|reply]

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