this is it
its
incredible, its amazing, how much one person can grow & change
within such little time. i've only been back at albany for three weeks
and i feel like a completely different person than the person i was
over spring break.
i have grown a lot. i have realized what truly matters in life.
you
have to have fun. you have to take time out of your days and nights to
bond with those that need bonding. you have to get out and socialize.
you have to call your beloved mother multiple times a day, every time
you even think of her, just so she knows how much you really love her.
you have to be a lot more mature for a long distance relationship than
anything else. you have to get over the "but i always text you first"
the "we haven't talked in 5 hours" and realize that you two are in love
with each other and nothing is going to change that. you both can have
fun in seperate places and share stories once you are back in each
others arms. you have to do your all to keep the everyday hellos,
everyday hellos with the people on campus. you never want it to become
awkward and look away from them; you have to know as many people as
possible because those extra hellos on the way to class make that much
of a difference in the rest of your day. you have to sit and eat with
people you'd never sit with alone, even if its a guy and it seems like
you'd have a "crush" on them in highschool if you sat with them, cause
no one likes to eat alone. you have to introduce yourself to people at
parties and reallllly try hard to remember their names; theres no use
to talk to someone if youre not going to remember them. you have to
take pictures too so you never forget how magical these nights were.
you have to get involved in school so you feel usefull. you have to
study and make yourself confident at every exam. you have to develop
relationships with each and every professor because it makes class that
less msierable, makes your grades a little better, and all of that
wonderful stuff.
i am the happiest i have been in such a long
time. im really glad ive recovered my relationship with brit. i never
realized how much i missed her until i had her back. i will never take
her for granted again. i got stupid when i first went away to college,
we all do. yeah i'd call her once a week but thats not enough for us.
we are so much closer than that. i love her i love yous every night, i
love it when she tells me to have sweet dreams when im laying my head
down to go to sleep, i love it when she tells me things about my family
that i really DO miss while im away, i love it when she calls me to
make me laugh, i love it when she actually listens to my college
stories without trying to pry into anything, i love her to death.
then
theres sarah who always makes me happy. everytime i meet someone
amazing at albany i think, "sarah would love them and they would love
sarah. if i had a car i'd go and get her now" but i cant :[ and i dont
have a car :[ i just wish i could share more with her, but theres never
enough time to do so.
i am going to miss so many people when i
leave albany. parker is helping me move out on may 14th and i KNOW hes
going to make fun of me when i cry. i didn't cry when my parents left
me when i wasn't even finished unpacking in august... nope. i didn't
cry when i realized that was the last time i'd see megan or sarah for a
really long time... nope. i cried a little when i drove away from brits
house, but little did i know that wasnt our last goodbye. oh my god, i
love her so much. i cried when michelle cried and parker teased me and
said someone should call the wahhhhmbulance. i didn't cry when i said
bye to em, i didn't even cry when parker showed concern about college
boys and i. hah, little do they know that i didn't even peck a boy in
college; nothing. i really have no interest in the men up here. i give
so many guys such a hard time and im even more tough once ive been
drinking. some poor men have been embrassed at me while i yell NO I
WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU by the keg. sorry, but its true.
no one should ever worry about my intentions or men's intentions with me; cause im smarter than that.
ive learned so much about people being here. so much. everyone is so unique, everyone has been through so much.
____
was best friends with her father her entire life. he slowly died from
lung cancer and ___ had to feed him, change his diapers, everything at
15. he eventually died and her mother started treating her like shit
compared to her other two sisters because ___ reminded her so much of
her father and she resents him for dying. 2 months later ___'s best
friend, childhood brother, was shot in the head by his own father. a
moth after that her best friend who was just getting over anorexia with
her died in a car crash. ____ has been through so much, i cry for her
so much, but she never shows a tear. i wish i could be that strong. i
am going to miss her talks.
____ had a mental breakdown after
all his friends continued to use him as the butt of hteir jokes. he got
up and left for weeks and no one heard from him. he came back for an
hour to just talk and tell everyone he just found out his father &
uncle were bi polar, and he is too. also, hes been suffering over his
father's death and hes destroyed his relationship with his mother, so
he feels like he has no family, no friends. its sad. i wish i could do
more to help.
_____ is always in and out of the hospital cause
his lungs are always collapsing. he showed me all of his scars and told
me how nervous this makes his mother. his mother is always sending him
these crazy care packages; she seems awesome. sending him funyuns and a
bubble gun for fountain day, hahaha. he really values me, protects me
from other guys at parties when i really don't need him to, and tells
me hes going to miss spending every single day with me. i will probably
miss him more. im going to be thinking about him and his health all
summer, im so nervous for him.
____ has also been through so
much. ____ was sexually assaulted by a school janitor and once she
finally told the police, her father turned against her and everyone at
school was badmouthing her; calling her a liar. she hates sexuality and
maybe college isn't the best place for her. she also suffered from
anorexia since the age of 9 and has many body issues; once again
college isn't the best atmosphere. she loves me so much too and is
always calling me when im home. im going to visit her this summer, i
cannot help myself. i love her so much :[
____ was rapped at 14
and still hasn't recovered from the emotional scars. shes clinically
depressed but the most amazing person when you are havign a mental
breakdown; seriously. she can rid you of all your problems and make you
have the best time of your life, but she can't seem to do the same for
herself and i can't seem to help her enough. i wish i could be a better
friend to her. i am also going to miss her.
____ went through a
downward spiral at a young age when her best friend slept with her 2
year boyfriend. many other things happened that i don't feel
comfortable even typing in here, but she went to a lot
of therapy. the same scenarios arose this semester and i stood up for
her, made her stand up for herself, and we've grown closer and closer.
she is one of the most amazing people i think i will ever meet in my
life. im going to ball my eyes out...
so many people here have
gone through so much and i feel like i have nothing to compare to. i
feel lucky, thankful, that my family has protected me from these
attrocities...
i cannot believe my first year of college is
coming to an end. this is insane. i don't want to be called a
sophomore. i want to stay in the freshmen psyche all life long.
i
finally understand college. theres not that much to understand but it
takes you awhile to get your head wrapped around it. your friends here
are your family here. you sleep under the same roof, you eat together,
you walk to classed together and text each other during these classes,
you shop together, you grocery shop together, you go to parties
together, you go to shows together, you exercise together, you will
never have a stronger bond in your life than now with these people;
until you get married. this is the closest thing to a family or a
marriage that i can think of. and its sad that some of these people
probably wont stay in touch for the years to come after graduation
cause i can't imagine one day, on campus, without these people... how
will i survive months? even WEEKS?
i always say college is
just summer camp for adults (but its not during the summer...), but its
much more than that. you have all of your independence, your
responsibilities, everything. its so much fun and nothing will ever
shape me more into who i am.
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