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Depressed&Alone's Diary
by Depressed&Alone

previous entry: Why can't one thing stay good?

next entry: Hush-a-bye

Things I've done since I've been away from Bloop.

11/19/2011

Okay, how should I start this...hmm. we'll do good and bad.

Good-
1. I haven't smoked weed in almost a month and a half.
2. My grades are all above a D.
3. I'm almost completely drama free. (except for the occasional bitch that comes along)
4. I got a new dog. (she's gorgeous her name is Suki)
5. I've actually had a good relationship, no fights, no lying.
6. My step-dad finally found his daughter. (we haven't been able to find her in 10 years)
7. I haven't got any ISS's or OSS's.
8. I haven't colapsed into my depression in a month.
9. I haven't had a beer or any other hard liquor in two months. (I just don't find it worth it anymore)
10. I've been spending more and more time with my special someone.

Bad-
1. I still smoke cigarettes.
2. I broke my ankle. (jumped off the porch and severely sprained it then the nurse twisted it and it broke)
3. I don't like to eat anymore. (Food just doesn't appeal to me)
4. I don't see my dad enough. (I feel like we're drifting apart again)
5. I still have the most sarcastic mouth that anyone has ever heard.
6. I still don't find myself, enough. (not enough for anyone, not even my special one)
7. I feel like me and my sister aren't close at all. (I'm always with him ^, or with my other friends)
8. I'm still lazy. (I feel like I'm getting fatter by the second the way I never walk or run)
9. Sometimes I feel like crying for no apparent reason. (could this be my depression coming back?)
10. I am terrified that I'm shutting myself off from the people who really care.

So now that you know some of the things I'm confident about and the things I find unappealing to me what do you think? How do I fix my bad things? How can I better myself?

previous entry: Why can't one thing stay good?

next entry: Hush-a-bye

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Good things:
1. Excellent!
2. Thats a start
3. eh there's always gonna be bitches
4. What breed or whats she look likes?
5. sweet! thats the best kind!
6. Good news
7. what are those? But good job?!
8. VERY good job! Wish I could say the same thing
9. Very proud of you hon
10. Excellent use of time!!

Sounds like you've got life on track - keep up the good work babe! Very proud of you! You've come a long way since we first started to talk.

Bad - We all have bad - seriously have you read my shit lately? lol
1. yeah so do I. my mother nags me constantly and the sad thing is - I keep promising chey I will quit but I cant bring myself to do it. My Godmother is dying from lung problems (Emphysema) and while its not from smoking (though she did smoke) - I know she has less then 6 months - she begged me to quit before she dies too - yet I still am so addicted I cant bring myself to do it...
2. that sucks WTF did she twist it even more to the point of breaking it and why arent your parents suing her ass?
3. I feel you there... my new seizure meds do that to me... its causing me to loose weight to the point that its scaring me too
4. have you talked to him about it? seems like that would be a place to start. Perhaps if he knew you felt that way he might be able to arrange seeing you more or something
5. nah pretty sure my 14 yr old has you beat on that... I would be really fracking surprised if you were more sarcastic then she is
6. what do you need to do then - to fix that?
7. only you can change that....
8. eh its winter.... we're humans therefore we are lazy because we are warmblooded critters and it is cold outside.. 'nuf said on that
9. it could be - could be hormones... could be inner-reflections (such as this list) Could be due to your current eating habits that you are anemic and that is triggering it. No honestly. When the body is lacking certain vitamins and minerals it throws off the natural hormones and PH balance in the body causing mood swings. A person can actually experience other emotions other then sadness (joy, anger, contentment etc) at odd times that are not appropriate for the situation all due to anemia
10. only you know if that is really happening - if it is take steps to fix it and do it quickly. You can try to shut me out But I wont let you unless you block me. It make take me awhile to respond but thats because I'm not on every day right now lol.

Hang in there babygirl. I still care. Thought honestly it sounds like you are in fact on the right track

[Meghans FollieStar|0 likes] [|reply]

She's a Alaskan Malamute and German Shephard mix.
I can't fix it with my dad. I have to got to court to testify against him now.
I'm taking Iron pills for my Anemia, but they make me tired, and sick to my stomach.
I won't block you I like your opinions too much.
I hope you are doing...okay.
Yeah I still haven't quit and I've started doing what I used too.
Things are to stressful right now.

[Depressed&Alone|0 likes] [|reply]

and here I was like, "WTF is this person? Why is she on my faves?" Ha.

Don't try to better yourself. It's impossible. Just learn to love you for you, regardless of the "bad things" you do.

Accept yourself.

[.erodium.|0 likes] [|reply]

It's hard to accept the things I could change to make myself better.

[Depressed&Alone|0 likes] [|reply]

why do you feel you need to be better?

[.erodium.|0 likes] [|reply]

Because, if i'm better maybe the people around me will get the hint

[Depressed&Alone|0 likes] [|reply]

previous entry: Why can't one thing stay good?

next entry: Hush-a-bye

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