In this journal, I'm going to write how I was visited and tricked by a demon, and later
became a Christian when I realized God and Satan's presence in the world.
----(pt9)
There was one occurence that made me realize that the spirit that was visiting me, was indeed a demon. It was a voice. I feel like it may have been Jesus himself, although I'm not entirely sure. Let me elaborate.
The demon had been fooling me for a good long time. 5 months to be exact. I remember numerous times when the demon would say that he was Jesus Himself, and I thought this was true. It also pretended to be Poseidon, Zeus, and ghosts, all fictional characters. But when I asked for him to cite scripture or talked about my emotions, it would not know anything or grow bored. It acted totally inhuman, and couldn't relate to me in anyway. Sometimes I would awake sore in the abdomen, with the demon raping me abusively. I would ask it to stop, but it wouldn't. It would touch me repeatedly despite my annoyance and scare me with all sorts of made-up scenarios. However, it would make this up by treating me in the most romantic, loving way, sometimes feigning grief over me. Somehow, it knew how to create a loving feeling so tangible and realistic, I was completely in love with it.
However, one day it hit me like an epiphany. I realized it was evil, and possibly a demon. I sensed this sick, evil feeling underlying the loving warm aura it gave off. I told it I didn't want to do anything intimate with it that day. However, it still began to use my body abusively, and there was no love. I stopped listening to it, yet it would continually talk to me. Yet, somehow, there was a lingering doubt in my mind. I didn't know anything about Jesus or his character, and kept wondering if Jesus was in fact this spirit. Perhaps that was his character.
Suddenly, one day, I heard a loud, angry voice tell me to go into my room and bow down. It pronounced clearly that what I had was a demon, and that Jesus would never do such a thing. The demon grew scared, and trembled as it clutched onto my back. (It had decided to attach itself to me so I couldn't escape it) The demon told me that the voice was from God. It confessed to me that it was a demon the entire time, and had been fooling me. The voice prompted me to read the Bible every day, for an hour at the least. I was shocked, because the voice told me I would go to Hell if I didn't do this. (most likely because I would die without knowing anything about God) I began to read the Bible, and as I did this, I grew in understanding of who God and Jesus was, and learned many things. Often times I would look forward to my daily Bible study.
God really loves us. God loves us so much, he sacrificed his only begotten Son, JUST so we could go to Heaven and rejoice with him for eternity. Even though he's God, he suffered as a sacrifice for all our sins. If we lived a life pleasing to Him (abstaining from sin) and loved Him, He would love us back a millionfold. That's monumental. God had created us out of mere dust, and we are just that, dust. Yet, He loves us. When have you ever created a clay doll, that you actually loved? It is easy for God to cast all of us into the trash, into Hell, yet he wants us to be in Heaven, with him. All we need to do is ask and surrender ourselves to Him.
I realized one thing, though, is what the demon was telling me about God was totally irrevelent. It told me that God was a sexual being, as well as Jesus, who had intercourse with women often. This is a LIE! Only incubi and sucubi do such a thing, and they are fallen angels in league with Satan. It also told me that the book, Conversations with God, proclaimed the real truth of God. This, in fact, is completely false. It was a demon that inspired him to write this book. This book is completely anti-Christianity. Basically it says that everyone is a God, sin is okay as long as it completes your being, Hitler went to Heaven because he fulfilled his true 'being', and other nonsense. The demon confessed everything, and told me that its motive was to lead me away from God by every means possible, and these were its tactics. Sadly, those who believe these doctrines, have already fallen from grace, and can only be revived through following God again. Satan is a liar and a thief. He sends his messengers and tries in every way possible to dupe those into following false doctrines, and move far away from God. Sadly, with all the cults in the world (Mormonism, Jehovah's Witnesses, etc) he has already succeeded.
As I read the Bible, and learned about what God wanted of us, which was to "Love God with all your soul and strength" and to "Love thy neighbor as thyself" and follow his commandments, always showing love and generosity to each other, I felt suddenly the depression and uncertainty I had lift off my shoulders, and my whole body become cleansed. It's hard to explain, but I began to have peace in my soul, a peace that only God gave. The demon continued to harass me in many ways, but I with God on my side, I knew I could fight back.
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