Well... I'd like to say today went better than yesterday. I can and I can't.
I found out that my "best friend" fucked my X girlfriend back when we were together. Not the girl I posted about on here. But the one before that. The girl I planned to spend the rest of my life with.
We all three lived together. (Myself my friend and my X) I trusted them both one hundred percent. I had a horrible allergic reaction to something and went to my mothers house because I had a HORRIBLE rash and wanted to get away from whatever may have caused it and get better. I got strange vibes from them both when I returned and even came out and asked her if something had happened. (I'm really good at reading people and being able to tell if they are lying) She said no. (She def pulled the wool over my eyes)
I went back and forth in wether or not I believed her. But, I loved her and decided I wanted to trust her. Well, two weeks later we broke up, she continued living there and I went back to my moms. I asked multiple times over the next few months if they were sleeping together and always got a no.. She was defensive about it now though, that was pretty much my answer. I knew deep down they were screwing around. But I put it into the back of my mind.
See all this happened over a year ago.. Actually closer to two years than one. Shes been playing this stupid game where she will call me wanting to see me, saying she misses me and then when the day comes around she has an excuse to not see me. This has been going on pretty much since she decided to leave me.
Well today she called, and stupid me, I got my hopes up that she would want to spend some time with me. Instead she tells me that she and my friend slept together that week I was gone with the rash. She said that's the only time it happened and that he came onto to her. Even though I pretty much knew it happened... Getting the verification floored me.. To say the least.
One: I don't believe that's the only time it happened.
Two: Even if he did come onto her that doesn't change the fact she let him fuck her.
The really sad thing about it is... I still love her... I would take her back in a heartbeat. Sadder yet is that I know that's stupid. I just can't break the spell.
I will say this, I feel like I care less for her than I have up until now. Almost to the point where I would turn her down... I just need someone to come into my life and treat me well to push her out of my mind.
I've dated one girl since her and saw that I can be happy with someone else.. Of course that girl left me too.. Sooo, I'm starting to think there is really something wrong with me. Im not ugly and I'm a sweet guy... I'm not trying to toot my own horn or anything.. Far from it. I just know I'm a nice, ok looking guy. During sex I care more about my partner than I do myself, I'm considerate in all areas there. So I know it's not because our sex lives suck..
I guess I'm just a fucking doormat. I will never be able to trust anyone again. This isn't the first time a friend has slept with my significant other. It's like I have a sign on me that says "get with this guy, he will treat you really well and then you can sleep with his friends."
Well the joke is on my next girlfriend (if I ever have one) I'm not going to have any friends left.
All that aside, my day has been ok. My new and already good BD buddy and I have talked almost all day and night since we "met" and we have been watching the Olympics together (even though she doesn't live in the same state as me) I already feel like I can talk to her about anything that's bothering me and she's the first and only person I've told about my "friend" sleeping with my X. I don't feel like I'm ever being judged for simply being me. It's a nice feeling. But as soon as I start to be happy or excited about it I get scared that something will happen and she will be gone to.
I'm just going to take it one day at a time and truly enjoy every moment I get to talk with her.
Anyway, I guess that's really all for now.
As always, thanks for reading.  |
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