The semester ended about a month ago and it left me feeling rather insecure and confused. As far as classes go, I feel like I finished all of them out of sheer respect for my professors and not much else, but I also feel confident in my work.
The insecurity and confusion were a result of a silly relationship I got myself in to that I thought made me feel great, but ultimately just made me a slave to the wiles of another human being. I still feel for him, but it's hard to express that when the feeling is not reciprocated. He's off on the East coast now, though, and he probably isn't coming back. Though, there's always the hope that I'll see him again sometime in the future. It's interesting how large of an impact he made on me. It hasn't happened in a really long time.
Now I'm just dreading the next big thing in my life. My best friend is leaving to Mexico for a semester and I don't know how I'm going to survive my second-to-last semester of college without her. It's super dramatic, and I realize that, but she's such an integral part of my daily routine and happiness that it's just going to be a challenge. I have a lot to look forward to, though. I'll be serving as the Student Representative on the Board of Trustess (which, to make myself sound even more important, is the equivalent to being the Vice President of the Prescott College Corporation). It's a pretty cool title and has an even cooler scholarship to accompany it. I'll also be taking a group independent study with my favorite professor on Marx and Marxisms. She's teaching me what it is to be a Marxist by chain smoking with me off to the corner and wearing a lot of black. Love her. And then there's the graduate survey on merging social theory and environmental perspective. It's something I feel like the entire institution should be working harder on, but it will be interesting to take a class on it with two of the greatest people I've met. Mm, anarchists and tree huggers. And finally, to bore you some more, I'll be taking a class called Explorers & Geographers. Which essentially means my easy class and my refuge from theory, theory, theory. Even theory-heads like myself need a break every once in a while.
It is almost always my hope to become more involved in the school that I pay mass amounts of money to each year, but I feel good about this coming year. It will be my last, yes, but it will also be a great opportunity for me to grow into being part of a community. To go further, I'm having one of my friends hook me up with Karma Farms, which is a community farm project that has several gardens around town. Once you're trained you can go and work for them whenever you have time and then you have access to wonderful produce to share with whomever you wish, or to take for your own household. I'm already doing a crop share through a different program, so I plan on sharing the crops I harvest at Karma Farm with my mom, who's trying out a new diet regimen. She's so silly sometimes, but it's something for her to focus on other than work, which is definitely positive.
I feel silly for wanting to rant about my current group of friends, but lately they've been somewhat dramatic and adolescent for my taste. Makes me reevaluate who I socialize with. I love them all (in different increments, hah), but I wish at least one of them would make some progress in life. In some way that doesn't really matter to me. I just can't imagine being so static.
Anyway... to bring it back around to my favorite topic, my sex life has been pathetic these past few months. I wish my east coaster boy was still around to please me, but he wanted to do his own thing. Now I'm working on turning another friend into the deviant I wish to have around me. But it's a slow process based on his inability to gain some confidence and have fun. Fucking stoners.
That turned out to be quite the entry. I suppose I just feel like going back to writing thoughts down seeing as how talking them out with people is happening less and less. No one wants to hear my problems except the group of random people around the world who read this silly diary. I love being self-important for a few paragraphs. |
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