I decided to finally put the past in the past and look forward to the future, but in order to do so I have to face my demons. My so called love of my life hurt me so badly that I lost my twins,then left me for another women while we were planing our wedding (stupid of me I know). Through all the pain he caused me I still loved him, I still have the scar on my arm from him. Its a constant reminder of how worthless I am. Every time I look in the mirror I can still see the bruises, and I can here him saying how I'm no good for anyone, I'm ugly and fat and I need to lose weight, I'll never amount to anything and no one will love me and I'm lucky to have him to take care of my worthless ass. I know I'm better off with out him, I'm happier but there are days I go back in my mind and I'm right there with him, getting yelled at for something I had no control over.
I have a wonderful boyfriend that treats me like gold, but I'm scared too, I know I shouldn't be but I'm terrified, I'm scared to get to close, because when I do I just end up getting hurt. I'm also very hesitant to do anything to quick. I'm going against every instinct I have, to turn tail and run. He's everything I have always wanted, I almost feel safe in his arms but there's a small part of me that says you never know......
I have a chance to finally be happy, maybe get my happy ever after, tho its hard to believe in fairytales anymore....... |
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It's the good ones that are often more work and worth it. They're totally worth it. Don't let the assholes keep you down. You have to kiss a few frogs before you get your prince. And various other cliches.