It's coming down once again in a flurry of white fluff. As of now, it's just a dusting, but they are predicting three to four inches before it's all said and done. If I were a good, caring wife, I'd throw some clothes on and go bring the garbage can back under the carport from the street, and I'd probably even take a broom to the driveway and whisk away the fluff that has settled, but I'm not that good and caring a wife. It's freakin' cold out there. I'm not going to go out and freeze my assets off when Al is already outside because he's at work and has to come back home. LOL He can do it when he gets in and I already told him so. Luckily he laughed and said, "Now I see how you are." Damn skippy. I am no fool. LOL
Nothing much to report here, other than the change in the weather from cold to colder, and more snow on the horizon. It's just another ordinary day with nothing special happening.
I'm getting lots of grief from friends on chat and from my husband about how my Bears are going to get their asses kicked on Sunday by the Patriots. I don't even want to hear it. I don't know if they're going to lose or win, no one can know that until game day when the game is played, and I don't really even want to get into the smack talking about this game. Perhaps because I'm nervous about the outcome, but I'm always hopeful that maybe we'll stand a chance.
I had a hard time getting into my reading today, but I managed to sit down and do it. It's about what drives your life. Is it envy and jealousy, anger, want, fear, and part of me thinks that my life is driven by fear. I fear death and fear judgment, not just God's judgment, who is the only one who really matters, but I fear the judgment of others for my decisions. I often let shame and guilt over my past drive me in my decisions too, because I'm trying not to repeat those same things, but a lot of times I fail miserably.
One of the things the book talked about is how most of us try and live our lives so we'll be remembered long after we pass from this earth. I'm guilty of that. I admit it. I want to be remembered and not be just a blip on the radar that was here and then gone with nothing to show for it, but the thing about that is, every record you set, or thing you do to be remembered, is going to be surpassed and bested by someone else at some point and you will be forgotten anyway. The most important thing is living life to prepare for eternity.
I'm trying to do that. Really, I am. I struggle, spiritually, but I don't think I'm lost just yet. Yes, my sin has separated me from God, even though nothing can separate me from his love. He will love me despite my sin, and as long as I repent of those sins and try not to repeat them, to really change my life, he will forgive me and the slate will be clean again. But I really am trying to prepare for my eternity. I want all the things that God has planned for me, both here and in eternity.
Point to Ponder: Living on purpose is the path to peace.
Verse to Remember: Isaiah 26:3 - You, Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you.
Question to Consider: What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want it to be?
I know that because I am still driven by my fears of death and judgment, that I am not fully formed in love, according to the bible. That love being God, of course. But at the same time, I think my family and friends would say that it's love that drives me. It's love that compels me to do the things I do, be it because I love the people in my life and want to be there and do things for them, or because I am seeking that love for myself. It's always driven me.
Even in my 20s, when I was living a pretty much wild and promiscuous lifestyle, it was love that drove me to do those things because I was searching for love and approval and acceptance when at that time in my life I wasn't getting any of that at home. At least not from the male figure that was prominant in my life - meaning Dad. I still don't feel that I get unconditional love or acceptance from him and I'm an adult and shouldn't care about whether or not I do. I mean, I have a husband who does love me and accepts me, and friends who love and accept me, but as important as those things are to me to have, the only real important love and acceptance that I have is from God.
Sometimes I think because I did not have a real father in my life, a real father figure, I have a hard time accepting and knowing God as my Father who loves me unconditionally. He will always forgive me if I ask and he will never stop loving me. I need to learn how to know God that way. I need to learn how to know Jesus that way, and not be afraid of him in his perfection that I can never attain.
I think I want love to continue to be my driving force but I think I need to learn how to let it drive me in the right ways, instead of in the wrong ones.
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I
like to remember the story in the bible of the woman caught in adultery....